JB | FAIC

Long life lesson post, hopefully worth it. Once in middle school I changed myself to be popular. Cut my hair, got trendy clothes, only talked to the cool kids. It worked. They stopped bullying me & I became one of them. And once I was, I realized—there was no great secret. It was a small crowd of mostly good people that were friends for both genuine and social-climbing reasons. They were normal, but all quietly afraid of losing their place. It took up a lot of their time. There was a hierarchy and there was a ceiling. It was too small for me. I stopped sitting with them and wore my old clothes again. They got mean. Was bullied twice as hard. I’d found myself and a new confidence. I didn’t mind. After graduation I went to college and was on track to a good career. New friends were drawn to me, and my professors encouraged me to to pursue a PhD path. I was a TA for some courses and co-authored some papers. The professors started having lunch with me, inviting me to conferences, becoming my social group. They too were mostly good people, had an in-crowd, and while more individualistic, were quietly afraid of losing their place. There was a hierarchy and there was a ceiling. It was too small for me. I changed paths and focused on what I loved instead. They got mean. Full grown adults. Mean. I didn’t mind. This pattern exists in every arena of life. You can change to become part of it, but you will always be quietly afraid of losing your place. Understand and let it go. Others will be drawn to you. Encourage them to do the same. You and you alone decide how far you climb and when fulfillment calls you to stop. There will always be a ceiling. It will always be too small for you.