Fake Gus Hansen

From what I saw @catehall did not give just the tip. She gave @Mikunbelievable the full 11 inches.

Apparently Paul Pierce loves the flop. AMIRITE???!??

My strategy for the Main Event is the same as for when I go to the club. Conservative early but at the end of the night any two will do.

What One Drop chip leader Rick Salomon lacks in final table experience he makes up for it with penis length.

I throw my chips into the pot like I go to the urinal-Two Handed

Negreanu just said he plans to finish the day with 300k. I plan to finish the day with 3 Spearmint Rhino strippers and a bottle of Dom.

Felt obligated to make my 2014 WSOP debut in the $50k Players Championship, considering they named it after me and all.

You can't spell Cantu without ....well you know.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Until they see you flexing your muscles on TV or on magazine covers. Then you're paying child support.

Skipped the Millionaire Maker because... well I'm already a fucking millionaire.

A heads up to those in Negreanu's 25k fantasy draft tonight. I'm only playing a handful of events so expect only 2 or 3 bracelets from me.

Ladies-if you were impressed with Sorel Mizzi's breaststroke DM me. Gus

Smoking marijuana is just as performance enhancing to an NFL player as would reading a Phil Hellmuth book be to my poker game.

I haven't seen results as impressive as what Ole Schemion has done of late since the last time I googled myself.

Liv asked me if I wanted to buy a piece. No thanks, had that years ago, and it was free.

Congrats to @VictoriaCoren for becoming the only two time EPT champion that I have reached third base with.

#EPTVIENNA. They put me on tilt by saying I was only double than average but then I later found out they were talking chip counts.

FUN FACT- To help deal with bad variance, I like to either do Bikram Yoga or have my balls tickled by an A-list actress