Tired librarian 📚 Craft goblin 🧶 Fanfic writer ✍️ Wannabe pastry chef 🍪 Unwell about Belly & Conrad 💜 Procrastination expert 🙃
Philadelphia, PA
Joined September 2026
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Terrible TSITP AUs: Roomba Jere, Part 2 💀
“BELLY! JEREMIAH ATE ALL MY FUCKING SOCKS!”
“He’s a vacuum, Conrad.”
“HE LEFT YOURS ALONE! HE’S WEARING ONE LIKE A FUCKING TROPHY!”
BEEP BEEP, BITCH 🧦
Roomba Jere rolled away victorious.
Conrad had never hated an appliance more.
I’m finishing my holiday fic today. I swear to fucking God.
My other fics, standing in the hallway like the twins from The Shining: “Come play with us, Valerie. Forever and ever and ever.”
My holiday fic is holding a clipboard screaming, “BITCH, I’M DUE NOVEMBER 23.” 💀🎄
1 - About five years ago, I got a call at the library from an older woman asking me to find an old friend’s address in the 1950 Social Register. A normal reference question, right?
WRONG. This turned into the most fascinating 45-minute phone call of my fucking life. 😭📚
5 -We talked for about 45 minutes. I still think about that conversation years later. I answered a simple reference question and ended up hearing firsthand memories of a world I’d only read about.
One of my knitting group ladies asked whether I knew of an Italian restaurant near her. I started naming places, thinking she meant an actual Italian restaurant.
She goes, “Oh, it’s Olive Garden!” 😭 I swear I felt my soul leave my body.
If you’ve ever wondered what library workers Google at work, here you go. Lolol. And shut up—I’m a terrible speller. I know now it's “optometrist.”
I’m considering buying a Roomba and naming it Jeremiah. Why? Because he sucks. 😭💀 lol I’m so sorry.
Anyway, now I have a terrible TSITP AU in my head where Jeremiah is a Roomba whose sole purpose in life is to fucking destroy Conrad.
SEND HELP. 🧹
Lololol, sorry I had to share this TikTok because, yeah, like, why is this so true?
tiktok.com/t/ZPLxoM15S/
“So, what are some important responsibilities you have at your job?”
Me: “Well, I make sure the desk geese are appropriately dressed for the season.” 🪿
