@FletchReports

Irwin M. Fletcher. Investigative reporter for Jane Doe. I write things. I ask questions. Mostly inappropriate ones. Parody account, but you knew that.

 Los Angeles, CA
m.imdb.com/title/tt0089155/
Joined June 2017
  • Tweets2.2K
  • Following58
  • Followers8.8K
If you're curious why I created an account. Well, Twitter didn't exist in 1985 and TBH we could really use the laughs today. RT if you agree
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Just a heads up. I have it on good authority that someone very close to you is definitely bucking for a promotion.
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“You’ll be wearing rubber gloves…do you own rubber gloves?” “I rent em. I have a lease with an option to buy“
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Now Hulk Hogan? What the hell is going on. Are we certain they’re not just extremely sleepy?
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Ozzy lived like a man who knew the Underhills were picking up the tab. Rest in peace, Prince of Darkness.
Ozzy Osbourne
@OzzyOsbourne22 Jul 2025
It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time.   Sharon, Jack, Kelly, Aimee and Louis
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Worried about the workforce? I'm taking action. Here’s my latest article on Jane Doe. This could be my best work yet, despite Frank's opinion.
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Some men leave legacies. I leave aliases and a very confused dry cleaner.
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Your reminder to not take life too seriously. Trust me, there’s nothing that a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich, and a steak sandwhich can’t fix.
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TaraBull
@TaraBull18 Jul 2025
Astronomer CEO Andy Byron’s wife is going to be so rich
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Andy Byron told Alan Stanywk to "hold his beer."
Pop Crave
@PopCrave17 Jul 2025
Coldplay's Chris Martin accidentally exposes astronomer CEO Andy Byron having an affair with his HR chief Kristin Cabot.
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Subsequently, Arnold T. Pants is foaming at the mouth.
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This Fourth of July, take a few moments to enjoy your beverage and remember Fred "The Dorf” Dorfman, who unfortunately recently succumbed to a flare-up of syphilis.
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Wishing Marvin Stanwyk a Happy Father’s Day today, since his son won't be.
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Rest in peace, George Wendt, AKA Fat Sam. Thanks for all the free junk.
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Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, especially Velma Stanwyk! P.S.. Sorry about your asshole son.
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The real ones don’t use sportsbook apps when there are so many decent off-track betting options in the Himalayas. Smaller story, but I know you’ve been following it. #Kentuckyderby2025
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Check the bypass line on the Fetzer valve, and order 10 quarts of antifreeze, preferably Prestone…no, Quaker state.
Golf Digest
@GolfDigest2 May 2025
A plane landed at Riviera Country Club today. 😳
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The only person who can save the Lakers. #LakersWolves
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Excuse me señor, you are a member of the club?
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Another amazing #saturdaymorning
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We need new parents to consider Fletch aliases as potential names for their newborns. The world needs to hear "John Coctostan" get drafted in the 2046 NFL draft. #NFLDraft2025
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