Jon retweeted
Going to CVS is never as easy as just going to CVS. I always end up doing 9th grade algebra trying to figure out how to save myself 60 cents from all of the sales and coupons. 😵💫
Getting older is the realization that you no longer recognize any of the artist names past the second line.
When @ajadamy and I were in college we could put a buffet out of business.
Now it’s like “Do you want dinner? No, me neither, I mean we are lunch 9 hours ago so I’m good.”
At this rate I won’t be hungry at all by the time I’m 40.
HOLD ON - I’ve seen this video a million times. Just noticed that the sharks are HOLDING FORKS at the end of the video, and Baby shark is looking REAL menacing. There’s no way this ends well. Wow.
If I had a dollar for every “HERD ALOUD NOISE - GUNSHOTS? ANYONE ELSE?” notification I get from Ring, I’d be tweeting this from a yacht.
(me, on deathbed but conveniently lucid)
If I could do one thing over? I'd fast forward to the end of Deadly Illusions on Netflix.












