A rare evening working on my books, and I discover that the first three chapters of the ninth Slonský book each contain exactly the same number of words - 2775). In a minor irritation my keyboard has decided to stop typing ý and I have to use a workaround.

Colour me shocked. According to a survey I've just seen 6% of people think Matterface and Dixon are the best commentary team in football. 6%? There's no decimal point in the wrong place either.

Just collected children from school. A mum drove away with a toddler on her lap and a boy of about 6 kneeling on the front seat with his elbows on the dashboard. No seatbelts in use. Words fail me.

Our downstairs toilet mysteriously cracked during the night. Our splendid plumber couldn’t get a matching cistern so he collected a new toilet which he delivered this afternoon in a big brown box. We opened it in front of the 6-y-o who announced “That’s not much of a present.”

Delighted His Holiness is doing well. Years ago we had a patient who always wore a flat cap. When he needed an op he wouldn’t remove it, so they sedated him, did the op and put his cap back on before they woke him. The surgeon described it as his first capectomy. Is this another?

My mother would have been 100 years old today. Here she is in a photo with Dad from (I think) 1953 which therefore predates me. They were about to head out for a night in Baltimore.

It is the lady wife’s birthday. When I realise that I selected her 45 years ago without any proper interview process, references or aptitude testing, I reflect that I have been incredibly lucky. She is simply wonderful.

Daddy told the 6-y-o that a tomato is a fruit, but she wants me to prove him wrong because “I like fruit and I don’t like tomatoes so tomatoes can’t be fruit.” I feel a logic class coming on.

Sam Matterface just said that Ondřej Zmrzlý is the only player in tonight's squads without a vowel in his name. I assume he meant surname. Sam, what's the ý, then?

I have the permission of the bride and groom, Emily and Ed, to share this photo their photographer took at their wedding the other week. It was utterly lovely and a delight to minister to them.

I can't help feeling that @ITV's persistence with Matterface and Dixon is rather like getting rid of Winnie the Pooh so you can give Eeyore and Piglet their own show.

6-y-o tells me she knows how mummy thinks better than I do because she has known mummy all her life whereas I’ve only known her for half of mine.

Following the advice of George Herbert we have invited all the parishioners in the benefice to suppers at our house. The first one is tonight. My wife is cooking. I am in the park with instructions to occupy the girls until 5 o’clock and not to use the downstairs toilet at home.

If you fancy giving my books a try, the very first one is on special offer with Blackwell's at the moment. £5.99 instead of £12.99 blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/pr…