I'm Tim Martin, chairman of JD Wetherspoon, a luxury business catering to bitter old alcoholics in the mornings and pissed-up students in the evenings (parody).
Watford, England
Joined June 2016
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Small boats this, small boats that...how about a great selection of affordable small plates? Including our new 8" (yes, that's Great British INCHES) pizzas. As if anything over, say for example, 4" wasn't just showing off
Tariffs? Trade? Who in the hell is supposed to keep up with all this jargon? Imports? Exports? All your women things? All your frilly things? Brexit has been such a success in so many invisible ways but quite frankly Spoons is bigger than this. It's bigger than Europe.
I get very frequent letters from female fans asking for more pictures of yours truly, so do please enjoy. Ladies, I am married, so don't get carried away! I am always free to discuss Brexit or the powerful anti-salt lobby though, one-on-one, but my wife will need to know.
Wetherspoons NFTs available for purchase now. Why not spunk your giro...er, hard earned wages on this wonderful gammon, egg and chips, for example? You can almost taste how stone cold those McCains are through your phone screen, can't you? Ethereum and postal orders accepted.
I'm a big enough man to admit when I've got it wrong. And have I got it wrong? No. The EU workers would be employed *on the continent* on zero hours contracts, at Bulgarian min wage. Beer is piped to the UK via a series of tubes and funnels. More details in the next W'spoon News.
Meanwhile I'll be conducting things from my war rooms at home - a sort of General Haig figure in the background.
This clapping business reminds of the time the entire board spontaneously stood up and applauded me. "Thanks for another year of LFL sales growth, Tim!" shouted one lady. John Hutson had just bought another Rolex with that year's bonus; I remember hearing it jangling on his wrist
Copping a lot of flak for my recent video to staff. At least they can hightail it to Tesco and keep themselves busy. Meanwhile my shares have dramatically reduced in value, but no one wants to talk about that, do they? People's priorities are shamefully out of order here.
When compared to workers in Bangladesh, our bar staff are paid a small fortune. It probably never occurred to 'Richard' that he's an incredibly wealthy man...to most Bangladeshis. Check your privilege next time.
independent.co.uk/voices/wet…
Our media relations man, Eddie Gershon, has simply said it's down to 'supply issues'. No mention of 'non-compliance with food hygiene regulations'. Must have forgotten that bit! After all, we want our customers to know WHAT the supply issues are, right? They're not idio--oh.
Our meat supplier, #RussellHume, has been shut down by the FSA due to 'serious non-compliance with food hygiene regulations'. This is why we don't have any steak. We use only the best quality ingredients, honest, so I guess we will chalk this up to 'whoopsie!' #Wetherspoons