Hemmels (@Hemmels) header
Hemmels (@Hemmels) profile picture

Software guy; likes horse racing and can maybe just about run 4 miles. Part-time (and future professional) gambler. I wrote @HemsTips. Tweets random stuff.

Heaton Moor, Manchester
Joined April 2011
Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)Photo by Hemmels (@Hemmels)
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If your cocaine dealer shorted you and didn’t supply you with the full amount of product, contact us at 336-373-2222 to file an official complaint.
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Don’t ever f*cking tell me your vote doesn’t matter.
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Hemmels retweeted
You're afraid of the pour and the cup can sense it You need to tilt the mug with conviction or it punishes you for your weakness
this is my vent art
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Weird name
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Most Popular Baby Names for Boys in the UK (1996-2024) 🇬🇧
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Realmente Neuer pudo haber matado a Higuain en 2014, no es joda
🇪🇸 💔 TRAGEDIA: El delantero del Tenerife de 30 años, Jesús de Miguel, murió tras un horrible choque con el arquero africano Owono, durante un partido empatado 2–2 Sufrió un paro cardíaco, fue reanimado y trasladado de urgencia al hospital, pero trágicamente perdió la vida
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This is a real advert for a rental property in Leicester. Gujarati Indian families ONLY 🇮🇳 I'm almost tempted to fabricate a 'white only' property listing to prove how quickly I would be arrested for doing this.
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🚨HOLY CRAP!!! A White man in Illinois GOES BALLISTIC on a Black family who took 40 JUICE BOXES off his porch during Halloween. White Homeowner: "YOU STOLE FORTY JUICE BOXES!!!! You took EVERYTHING! YOU ARE THIEVES!! Black Mother: "Well then you shouldn't put it outside..."
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🔵⚪️ | Golpe fortísimo de Owono sobre Jesús de Miguel que hace que salten todas las alarmas. 🇪🇸👀 🙏🏼 Pronta recuperación a Jesús y que todo quede en un susto 🏟️ Tenerife - Andorra
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I'm reading vacuum cleaner reviews on the Argos website and they include a noise rating out of five but nobody knows if five means quiet or loud so the whole thing has descended into chaos.
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Chargers have gone 27 straight possessions without scoring a TD
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Hemmels retweeted
Chargers haven't scored a touchdown since October 11
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Hemmels retweeted
My biggest criticism of @FootballManager 27 so far is that my tactics & instructions seem absolutely useless inside the match engine 🧐 Play short? Long balls into the channels High press? Players stand off attackers Don’t take long shots? Midfielders dinging 30 yarders #FM27
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Cashout getting fatter by the game 😂😂😂
Now down to 20/1, what do we think my cashout will be after the next 3 games? 👀
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A Restore Britain Government will deport every man, woman and child who arrives under this scheme. It will be applied retrospectively.
From today, charities can apply to sponsor refugees through new, capped Named Community Sponsorship and Refugee study safe and legal routes. Sponsors will provide accommodation, integration support and help finding work. First arrivals are expected in autumn 2027.
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Hemmels retweeted
Replying to @EssexPR @UKLabour
I’d like this and think most of us would.
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Update: In the 27 months since Labour came to power, we've seen; • Employer National Insurance increased from 13.8% to 15%. • The employer NI threshold cut from £9,100 to £5,000. • The freeze on Income Tax and National Insurance thresholds extended to 2031. • Capital Gains Tax increased from 10% and 20% to 18% and 24%. • Business Asset Disposal Relief increased from 10% to 14%, then 18% – and now its lifetime limit halved to £500,000. • Investors’ Relief raised to 18% and its lifetime limit cut from £10 million to £1 million. • CGT relief on sales to Employee Ownership Trusts halved. • Carried interest taxation increased and moved into the Income Tax regime. • Dividend tax rates increased by two percentage points. • Savings-income tax rates increased by four percentage points. • Property-income tax rates increased by four percentage points. • VCT income tax relief cut from 30% to 20%. • Most unused pension funds brought into the Inheritance Tax net. • Agricultural and Business Property Relief capped. • Inheritance Tax thresholds frozen until 2031. • The non-dom regime replaced with a tougher residence-based system. • VAT imposed on private school fees. • Business-rates relief removed from private schools. • The Stamp Duty surcharge on second homes and buy-to-let raised from 3% to 5%. • The Furnished Holiday Lettings regime abolished. • A new annual surcharge on homes worth £2 million or more. • Pension salary-sacrifice NI relief capped at £2,000 a year. • The bank surcharge doubled. • Capital allowances for plant and machinery cut twice. • Online gaming duty almost doubled. • The Energy Profits Levy increased and extended, and its investment allowance scrapped. • Vaping Products Duty brought in and tobacco duties increased above inflation. • Vehicle Excise Duty increased for many new cars, with electric vehicles brought in. • A pay-per-mile tax on electric and plug-in hybrid cars legislated for 2028. • Air Passenger Duty increased. • Making Tax Digital extended to more landlords and self-employed people. Together they represent one of the biggest transfers of wealth from households and businesses to the Treasury in decades – with little to show for it in public services. Whether you're a business owner employing staff, a parent paying school fees, a farmer planning succession, an entrepreneur building wealth or simply someone trying to save for your family’s future... - You keep less of what you earn. - You keep less of what you invest. - You leave less for your family. Death by a thousand cuts.
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Budget 2026 🚨 The government has announced an extra £10bn of economic and military support for Ukraine. Do you support or oppose this?
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957 votes • Final results
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