Stella Kilpatrick

As a new principal, I made it a point to keep open summer hours to meet families. During these meetings, I learned a lot and as a bonus, I occasionally received an unexpected gift (sausage, a plant & a tiny pet frog named Roger).   One day a mom tapped on my door and asked if we could chat for a few minutes. She said her name was Brenda and her son was Christopher. I asked her to have a seat. Brenda started crying and looked at the floor. She said that she was very hopeful that things would be better with her son with a new principal, a clean slate, and a fresh perspective on him. She said he has been the school’s “bad kid” for years.   Brenda said that she receives a call home or a request to pick him up several times each week for not following directions, disrespect, talking too much, leaving the classroom, etc.   Brenda said that he’s always been curious, inquisitive, talkative, constantly on the move, and laser-focused on things that interest him (i.e. Legos, superheroes, tinkering with things, climbing trees, reading & running).   I said that he sounds like a cool kid. Brenda asked if she could bring him tomorrow, and I told her that would be great.   They were at the door waiting for me in the AM. Christopher had a bowl haircut, glasses, and an Aquaman t-shirt on. His nose was in a book. As I approached, he handed the book to his mom and ran up with his hand extended. He introduced himself and said that it was a pleasure to meet me. He passed the first test – how to make a good first impression. Christopher held the door for me then ran ahead to hold the next door open.   Christopher began asking rapid-fire questions. He reminded me of “Fuller” the cousin from Home Alone (Does this thing get good gas mileage? Does it rain in France?...). It was hard to answer his questions, because each time he was on to another question before I could answer him.   I asked if he would like to play a game. He ran over and got Stratego. We had fun and he destroyed me three times in a row. He was either lucky or really smart (or both). He was able to multi-task – play a game, talk, notice his surroundings, etc. He was so articulate, intelligent, funny, and kind. How could this guy be the school’s “bad kid”?   When we finished playing, he extended his hand and told me that this was fun… and that if I practiced more – I might have a chance to win. They left and I sat there both smiling and deep in thought.   Prior to the first day of school, I met with his new teacher, the counselor, and a few other staff members. We worked through the “10 Minute Problem Solving” process (something I had created a few years prior) and came up with strategies to implement beginning day one. These included: giving him a little notebook to write down his thoughts/needs/etc. to pass back and forth with the teacher, setting-up daily check-ins and check-outs, frequent movement/focus breaks, creating a list of school related jobs he might want to “apply for”, and an idea of him being a founding member of a game club.   All of these ideas were well received by Christopher and his mom. We began implementing these as soon as the school year started. The strange thing was that we saw almost none of the past behaviors. He did a full 180, becoming a model student and certainly could no longer carry the title of being the school’s “bad kid” (I am still bothered by the idea that people say or believe there is such thing as a “bad kid”).   Lessons learned: -Problem solving is powerful (“10 Minute Problem Solving” is easy to implement) -Giving kids a clean slate each day is so important. -Labels can be harmful. -Finding out the function of behaviors, emotion driving behaviors, and unmet needs can really make a difference. -There are no bad kids! -Maslow Before Bloom Join the “Maslow Before Bloom” Facebook group: Facebook.com/groups/maslowbe…. New book just released: “From Struggles To Successes: A Handbook For Parents & Educators” (a.co/d/6nuEibl)