Writer | Comedian | Educator
Joined July 2021
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There are no official constitutional requirements to be a Supreme Court Justice.
This leaves the possibility open for an Air Bud sequel. "Dissenting Bud," "POTUS Bud," and "Air Bud Goes to Washington" are my current title choices.
#SCOTUSIsCompromised
#Capitalists will be like, "We gotta exist because we gotta assume the risk of starting a business."
And then when the risk comes a knockin, they start whining like babies.
Landlords are evil, according to the world's parasites, so it's perfectly fine that this regular guy stands to lose everything because his tenant (who's $56,000 in arrears) won't pay cbsnews.com/sanfrancisco/new…
I swear @Gatorade just be straight up filling their bottles to the brim. It's a warzone every time I open a bottle.
If the #GOP and #Trump are the Party of law and order, they shouldn't be upset about any of this. Ya'll be supporting and upholding this system and put ordinary citizens through it on a daily. Why ya'll be worried about Trump? He's innocent, right?
#TrumpIndictment
Mr. Bean (No relation) retweeted
🧵 of resources for writers:
1/ The entertainment business is opaque and tough to navigate, so here are my recommendations of awesome pros and companies who provide valuable support to newbies whether your goal is to learn craft, discover how the business works, get a rep, grow your network, or polish that script. Here we go:
#screenwriting #screenwritingTwitter
His bones may never have THE MEATS again, but his Classic Beef'N Cheddar soul lives on.
#Arbys #RIP #Boardman #WeHaveTheMeats #Fastfood
All I want is a time-traveling #JohnBrown with a lightsaber, and I honestly don't think that's too much to ask.
#Jesus: "Yo, stop doing that greedy money shit. It's like the root of all evil."
Christian #1: "What did Jesus say?"
#Christian #2: "... Oh um... Something like, "Hey, let's exploit most of the population by creating a socioeconomic system built upon money and greed."
Jesus:
#Browns Twitter is off to a HOT start today. 👀
Share and retweet if you want me to write a short script romcom starring @Jeff_LJ_Lloyd and #marquisegoodwin where they fall in love after Jeff's unfortunate tweet.
I recently saw someone ask what a #horror version of @JohnWickUK would look like. Honestly, I just think you do the same movie but from the POV of all the random henchmen he kills. We just spawn after each kill, get enough time to love the guy, and then John does the ol pew pew.
4 YO son introduced me to the show #FloorIsLava and he legit thought they were competing in real lava.
Dude was too chill about it, TBH.
Like why you so ready to watch people parkour into Mt. Doom?
Gen Alpha gonna be off the hook, bruh.
#parenting #dad #DadsInEd #family
If anyone is ever struggling to understand their own racist tendencies or biases, I have made this helpful acronym: WJBSADMWAWHBSBIARPOS?
Would
John
Brown
Slice
And
Dice
My
White
Ass
With
His
Broad
Sword
Because
I'm
A
Racist
Piece
Of
Shit?
Last week a student came up to me giggling and asking me what's funnier than 24. They about fell out of their chair when I said 25.
Man, these kids be quoting #SpongeBob on me like I ain't the OG Bob stan.
#teacher #education #funniesttweets