I Tweet Stuff

Tonight kids will be knocking on everyone’s door and throwing eggs at windows down my street. It’s also Halloween tonight #Halloween2026

How many times have you heard ‘It’s getting dark earlier’ in the last week?

I’ve just arrived at the bottom of my stairs

I’m currently at the top of my stairs

I eat cereal even when it’s not breakfast, also you can add a full English breakfast to that as well.

I’m at work

If I install my tv on my wall am I posh?

I’m drinking pop, do you drink pop?

Anybody out there?

I wear a baseball cap but I’ve never played baseball

It’s 11.21am

I’m a bit disappointed that I walk my dog every day and I’ve not even found one dead body

If you want me to follow you just let me know where you live

I was asleep and now I’m awake

Surely it should be teeth paste?

I use baby oil and I’m not a baby

When I watch a movie at home I buy popcorn and invite a random couple to sit behind me talking and using their phone to get the full effect

When I’m peeing I always make a song with the splashing sound. Even when it’s up against a home bargains window

I’m sat down eating my dinner

Apparently I won’t get charged for passing gas now while standing?