Incorrect Thor

Heimdall, on his death bed, finally getting to rest his back after carrying the whole Asgard on his shoulders for ages as the dysfunctional royal family tried to keep themselves together

Thor: so how's the coolest person on Asgard feeling today? Heimdall: i don't know, how are you feeling today, Thor? Thor, holding back tears: i'm good

It's funny how people sleep different ways. For example, I like sleeping on my side, but ya'll seem to like sleeping on Heimdall

Odin: You have a sister. Her name's Hela. Thor & Loki: what Odin:

Thor, texting Bruce: Hi Bruce I'm having a movie night. I have invited 17 people, would you like to come? Bruce: Ok? But why so many people? Thor: Because the DVD said "Only for 18+ viewers" Bruce: ...

Thor: *throwing pebbles at Bruce's window* Bruce: Thor I gave you a phone for a reason! *A loud crash* Bruce, rushing to the window: Thor did you just THROW your PHONE through my WINDOW

Thor: sorry Bruce, I can't take you to the movies today Bruce: What? Why? Thor: I just got informed that bringing snacks is forbidden

Bruce, watching the news: some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium Thor, covered in ink: well maybe the squid was being a dick

Thor, on the phone: Hello, I would like to order a cake. Clerk: What would you like the cake to say? Thor, hand over his phone: Bruce do we want a talking cake?

Priest: repeat after me Thor: after me Priest: Priest, leaning over to Bruce: you... sure you wanna marry this one?

Thor: *Takes Bruce's hand suddenly, getting down on one knee* Loki: omg it's finally happening Thor: *falls over* Loki: the poison is finally kicking in

Bruce: You know, Thor, Stephen gives Tony flowers every day. Bruce: I kinda wish you'd do that too. Thor: Umm, alright Later: Thor, handing Tony a bouquet: Have some flowers Tony: what the fucking hell Thor: I... Don't really know either

Thor: What are you gonna do, stab me? Thor, narrating: and, that's when he stabbed me

Thor: you should always say “please” and “thank you”, brother Loki: please shut the fuck up, thank you Thor: I'll mark that down as progress

Loki: sorry daddy i've been bad Priest: for the last time the line goes "forgive me father for i have sinned"