Jack Twis

Past generations got Agatha Christie. We get this.

The bar staff at Scott Benton’s local when he walks in for a pint at 10.50pm on a Saturday.

If he was saying it whilst presenting MOTD then fair enough. He’s not, he’s saying it on Twitter. If you don’t like it, don’t follow him. Fucking pathetic.

Joao Palhinha assisting himself by tackling someone is the most Joao Palhinha thing ever. #FFC

“Oven ready”

Good work Tesco.

Shout out to the stewards in H5 who are checking seats like their lives depend on it. #FFC

This #Kyrgios vs #Tsitsipas match is the equivalent of Stoke vs Burnley.

Torn knee ligaments, bruised ribs, cuts and grazes, mild concussion. 10 years ago these were the hallmarks of a particularly vicious Sunday league game. Now they’re just bog standard ‘35year old at a soft play’ injuries.

My gym routine is ‘have a little go on each station and move on’. I call it Gym Tapas.

You’d have thought that being in charge while 50+ employees broke the law IN YOUR HOUSE would be enough to make you resign alone, but hey ho. #Partygate #Resign #BorisJohnson

Has he gone yet?

First look at the entrance to Priti Patel’s visa application centre in Calais.

Second worst Prime Minister ever. #PrimeMinister #Templeofdoom #IndianaJones.

Yes I’ve forgotten the password less than 24hours after setting up the account. What of it?

I stand strongly opposed to anything to do with Christmas beginning in November. Unless it involves M&S Christmas sandwich selection. Then you can stick a red dress on me and call me Mariah.

Well played @BukayoSaka87. You’ve had a brilliant tournament and one kick doesn’t define it. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot and doesn’t understand football. Keep working, keep progressing. WC2022 is yours.

“So as a theme for the wedding photos, we were thinking Galatasaray away?”