Jasper Collie 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Some important information about the upcoming eclipse. Dogs will become much more hungry due to the extra solar radiation, give them second breakfast. Failure to do so could result in your dog being very very hungry. During totality, things like biscuits, fish treats and moose legs will be imbued with coronal power. Feeding these to your dog will give them the power of speech, but only during totality. Do not stare directly into the eclipse before totality. If you must stare at something, stare deep into your dogs eyes. You get a mystical warm feeling without the permanent eye damage. Animals and creatures may become confused by the sun noping out of existence temporarily, sooth your dog with third breakfast. Finally, during the eclipse, your cat’s evil doppelgänger may appear, brought about by the splitting of the universe during totality. Do not touch this doppelgänger and do not approach, it is pure evil. It will disappear after the eclipse, but be careful it doesn’t replace your current cat as a switch here is permanent. To avoid this catastrophe, feed your dogs the cat’s food to keep the doppelgänger confused and off balance. Follow us for more eclipse tips.