Jazz is The Worst

...and here I've been wasting all my time trying to find for the musical G-spot

Jazz in 2016 = celebrating a 13 yr old playing Standards on Piano, instead of an adult playing original innovative music #WhoKilledJazz?

Jazz Fact #57: No one knows what Jamey Aebersold’s playing actually sounds like...he’s only ever been heard counting off tunes.

Jason Moran won 275K from Doris Duke(twice), 625K from MacArthur.. Suffering hard for his art just like Bird, Ellington, Trane and Monk.

That moment when you finish your trombone solo at the whitehouse, and the singer looks you dead in the face and does a “mouth-trombone” solo

Watching #JazzAtTheWhitehouse for InternationalJazzDay.. lasts only 1 hour long and ends with a John Lennon song.. yup, sounds about right.

If Jazz had sex with American Idol their child would look like #JazzAtTheWhiteHouse

Watching #JazzAtTheWhiteHouse .. so far I've learned that Jazz is apparently tolerable as long as the solos only last 4 bars each

12 year old Joey Alexander hanging at the white house with Chick Corea, Herbie Hancock and Barack Obama... #PayinDues #ToughJazzLife

Bebop: because it's just waaay too much work to come up with you own musical identity.

Free Jazz: For when you're just too lazy to read a lead-sheet, write a tune or rehearse at all.

I love Comedy-Jazz albums, like Jon Benjamin’s "I should have learned how to play piano" and Kamasi Washington's "The epic" #BothHilarious

I've got good news and bad news, and they're the same. No one cares how good you sound on rhythm changes.

I challenge any Jazz musician to make an EPK without saying their record is “influenced by the tradition while looking towards the future.”

In the old days all Jazz Musicians wanted was to get a record deal, today all they want is to get a tenured teaching position.

There are two types of Jazz rehearsals: Last minute and non-existent.

Jazz Fact #65: There are more instructional books on 'How to play Jazz' than there are people who can actually play Jazz

Jazz School curriculums should be updated to include classes on Barista skills, SAT tutor training and borrowing money from your parents

My favorite thing about ECM is the fact that all their covers look the same and seem like they took about 45 seconds to make.

The term ‘scat’ originally comes from a slang word for ’shit'… now we use it to refer to when a singer shits all over a tune.