Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez) header
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Jesse Fernandez

@JesseFernandez

Instructs comedy @Google | Wrote for award-winning #Newsbroke on @ajplus, TED Talks, @OnionGamers, @WordsWFriends game show

 San Francisco
jessefernandezcomedy.com
Joined March 2009
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Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)Photo by Jesse Fernandez (@JesseFernandez)
Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys "at law" so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something.
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Have the US propaganda engines even had enough time to whir up bloodlust for this war? Or has public buy-in really become this small of a factor?
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Starting a walking tour of places Joaquin Phoenix cooked w a wok after waking from sleepwalking. The “Waking Walking Joaquin Woking Walking Tour.”
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When an art museum teaches me that everything is art, the lesson I learn is that I shouldn't have paid to get in.
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Thank you ads that start with "Don't skip this ad" for reminding me to skip this ad.
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I don't get Trojan condom branding, like isn't the whole story about the Trojan Horse breaking open and spilling out everywhere?
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Fashion makes a statement, and my haircut says, “this guy saves a lot of money.”
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gf: Those Junior Mints are way expired. me confidently eating them: You mean SENIOR MINTS hahahaha wow they taste bad, I don't feel good
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Pregnant women and the elderly, yes, but I don't think we should have to give up our seats for pimps.
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All animals evolved from single-celled organisms except sloths, which were designed by Jim Henson.
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I once complained at Denny's that my soda was flat, and the waiter said, "Yes this is Denny's," and then I tipped him $20.
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I DON’T NEED YOUR ADVICE, RED BULL
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FDA: Antibacterial soap doesn't work, let's ban it. People: smoking literally kills us FDA: let's not go crazy
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This guy parked "my dad owns a hedge fund" away from the curb.
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They started selling just the good part of the trail mix!
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Oscars and State of the Union Address in the same week??? What a treat, and also the State of the Union Address.
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On 3/3/33 you'll remember this post and think, "I can't believe I remember this."
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My college knows I got a degree in the arts, why do they keep acting like I have money to donate to their annual fund
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BS. How does someone even fall asleep this many times?
FearBuck (@FearedBuck) profile pictureFearBuck
@FearedBuck13 Jan 2025
OF model Bonnie Blue says she has broken the world record by sleeping with 1,057 men in just 12 hours
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Image from FearBuck (@FearedBuck)
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There's a crazy coincidence in history books where the good guys beat the bad guys in every war ever.
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Drunk guy in front of me at Taco Bell: "How are you unprepared to sell me 20 tacos TACO IS HALF YOUR NAME"
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