Hello all, I am back and I would like to thank everyone for the feedback, support and time to respond properly given the nature of my previous statement. Before I simply jump back into creating content, I ask for your ear once again to address some other items. The first thing I would like to discuss is one that didn’t hit my radar until after I had departed. For reasons personal and private to me, this is an issue I take very seriously. There is a clip circulating where I had a conversation with Scar regarding my admiration for him with his perpetual disposition of simply thriving in any environment. In the clip I mention that this is why I associate him with “Strength”, meaning his strength as a person, his character, determination, and the qualities that make him who he is. I was not referring solely to how he manages his disability. This has always been the case in how I look at Scar, from day one. The clip was a live stream conversation with Scar (yes I’m learning I’ve clearly got a knack for being extra vulnerable when I hang out with him specifically) and in this clip I said if anyone had a reason to “swim down”, it’s him. I did not mean that it was understandable if Scar wanted to hurt himself. I would never want to suggest that. I want to be honest and say when I watched that clip over and over, I can understand that those who aren’t familiar with who I am and what I’ve been trying to do this whole time could EASILY see this the unintended way. But I digress, the metaphor I used to deliver my point was not a poor choice of words, but a terrible one. It’s understandable why it could be interpreted as a reference for self-harm and for that I am sorry. I think it’s why there was a noticeable pause before my response to him because I couldn’t come up with a better way to express what I was trying to get across. Regardless, I said what I said so hear me now, I would never advocate for self-harm. That would be the furthest thing from the message I was trying to share and anyone who experiences those impulses needs to understand 3 absolutes; You are loved, there is help available, and it WILL get better. If this is a familiar energy to anyone, please please seek the help you so deserve. Continuing on with this discussion I would like to discuss the topic of me being an ableist. Before all this, I would have stated a hard “No I am not. How dare you.” But this awful journey has been the overdue spark for some great conversation and eye opening moments. I want to be extremely honest here and say that after looking further into it; What truly is ableism? Why would people entertain that I have those tendencies? Is it possible that I do? I came across a very powerful Ted Talk by Stella Young from 2014 and that piece revealed to me that I most definitely had a blind spot here. I recommend a watch (See link in replies) because while I might be an old man, there’s no statute of limitation on learning. I don’t want to speak for Stella here but I can tell you that a 9 minute speech turned my predispositions on their head. There was also a very well thought out piece on Tumblr reiterating much of what was in the TED talk. (See link to post in replies if you would like to read through yourself) So to the disabled community, I ask for your forgiveness if any of the times I was conversing with Scar came across as I was impressed with him for who he is because he’s disabled, what a terrible and short sighted notion I put out there. It not being my intention is irrelevant. I am so very sorry to all of you and to my good friend. I made a rushed statement before my pre-planned trip, after this I succumbed to some doom scrolling and it was met with a wide range of responses both supportive and hateful (that I’m going to have to find peace with). When scrolling through the comments of my last video, there was a good deal of support that I’m not too proud to admit was a bit therapeutic. So I was hearting many of those comments, some of which alluded to me having “Done nothing wrong.” I thank you for your kind words and support but I do want to express that after much reflection, I don’t actually feel that way. Trust me this is not an “I suck” moment. I know where my heart is and how I try to treat everybody. I know I don’t embody the terrible labels that are being given to me but that doesn’t mean I don’t have the capacity to send the wrong message at times. And those miscues can result in hurting others. Let’s call it what it is, I glossed over the fact that the previous mod whom I had parted with due to some racist tweets was also in the charity event I was attending. This coming across like I meant none of my apology from the prior year is on me because what I failed to mention was that she not only instantly disavowed those tweets last year, but stated her genuine remorse to anyone she may have hurt. She didn’t sit on them, she took instant action and to me, grace and forgiveness are huge virtues (see the apology in replies for context). These are the reasons I felt comfortable attending the charity event but I didn’t share that with anyone. So the message that I meant none of what I said last year was sent. I should have been much more upfront, it was reckless, and I’m sorry. I’d like to respond to the trans community because I have seen just how much I have hurt them. Recent conversations with minds I greatly respect have brought me further clarity that many of my actions and inactions in the past were driving home that I think less of you, that I dislike you, or I want less for you. This is not true. My assessment of people has always been based on what I see from their heart, nothing else. I’m quite simple in that matter to be truthful. I don’t expect to win absolutely everybody over, but I fully intend to make my space on the internet safer for people to be themselves by improving my comment section/chat and acting swiftly when any bad actors are recognized. On that note, last year I said I would monitor my comments section for troublesome and hateful comments and take the needed actions. Full transparency, I 100% intended to and had 0% follow-through. There’s no excuse for that, I’m not proud of it but I actually forgot. Life picked up again, the wheel started turning and I never thought to look back. I never implemented tools to catch a series of hateful trigger words and block them like I said I would. And I’ll tell you now that I no longer need to do that because it’s been done. I have a well-curated list fully implemented across my channels. However, this action is not retroactive and there is a good deal of manually curating comments on my many videos, which I have begun. It’s a long process with many comments to go through, but I am doing my best. In closing, I want to reiterate that I really appreciate the support and patience. I am very much looking forward to getting back to work to continue bringing smiles, laughter and inspiration. To those I’ve hurt, I am sorry. Thank you for your time and a HUGE thank you to the Hermits who helped me fully understand and appreciate the gravity of the situation and where I was slipping. They wanted to help me out of this, and that’s an honor difficult to define. Thank you. I will do better in the future.