Despite widespread popular belief, I may not be the best Twitter contributor in the world.
Joined April 2014
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The Anything Goes Humour ebook is now available. Nearly 1,000 original jokes.
amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00K…
USA amazon.com/dp/B00K8YTYNM
Johnny Midnight retweeted
Andy Burnham steps in after Man City’s financial rules verdict, unveiling Prince Andrew and Peter Mandelson as the new ownership dream team. Liam Gallagher reacts with all the dignity you’d expect.
{satire}
Johnny Midnight retweeted
Urgent search underway across West Yorkshire as concerns mount for missing Sophie.
West Yorkshire Police have launched an appeal to locate Sophie, who was reported missing from Halifax on 1 October 2026 and is believed to have travelled to the Dewsbury area.
Sophie is described as a white female, 5ft 3in tall, of slim build, with blonde hair. She was last seen wearing a light brown jacket, a black long-sleeved top, grey tracksuit bottoms, and distinctive blue crocs.
Officers are conducting inquiries across Calderdale and Kirklees, urging residents, public transport commuters, and local business owners to check CCTV and report any potential sightings immediately.
Anyone with relevant details is requested to contact police on 101, referencing log 1948 of 01/10/2026.
How can local community networks and regional transit staff coordinate more effectively with police during the critical initial hours of missing person inquiries?
Follow Daily Dazzling Dawn for verified news updates and in-depth analysis.
#Sophie #Halifax #Dewsbury #WestYorkshire
Johnny Midnight retweeted
This billboard wasn’t allowed in public incase it offended anyone so please do not repost it. Thanks.
Johnny Midnight retweeted
🚨 The Manchester City scandal excellently explained by the brilliant illustrations of Sports Ball. 💰⚽️
Give this man a medal. 🥇👏
(🎥 @_SportsBall_)
Johnny Midnight retweeted
12 years old and Raped by 8 Pakistanis in one night,
If you don’t repost this no one will see it
A brief examination of the case of 12 year old Samantha shows how the criminal justice system treats these kinds of cases, even when the CPS has actually decided to proceed with a prosecution. On October 27th 2006, Samantha was abducted by two Asian men who drove her around Oldham for hours and then raped her. They then threw her our of a moving car in the Chadderton area of Oldham. She ran away and asked another man for
help. He invited Samantha inside and then dragged her upstairs and sexually assaulted her.
She ran away whilst he was calling his friends to come and join him. At that point a taxi driver and his passenger pulled up beside her to ask her if she was okay, they said she looked very upset and like she'd been through hell, and so offered to take her to the police station and then home... They then took Samantha to a house on Attock Close, took her inside and then locked her in a room where 5 Asian men went on to rape her over and over for nearly 24 hours The ringleader, was Shakil Choudhury, and he received a three year sentence for leading this extraordinary attack.
Bitter, bitter Agbonlahore. My wife doesn't remember dates like he does.
@talkSPORT
46
Johnny Midnight retweeted
The shocking truth about London mosques and the attitudes of its followers is terrifying.
What has the government done to our country? We need to fight this before it is too late.
Johnny Midnight retweeted
You were warned about those like her,
facilitated by The Labour Party.
The open gate holders :
Johnny Midnight retweeted
This one is a full fat gilt edge antisemitic jihadi. As Hitchens predicted, they’ve infiltrated the highest positions in government. This is a nightmare.
Only @RestoreBritain can save us
Johnny Midnight retweeted
🚨Patrice Evra on Sir Alex Ferguson’s team talk before the 2008 Champions League final:
“Ferguson said: ‘We’ve already won. We don’t even need to play this game.’ We were like: ‘What is he talking about? The game hasn’t even started.’
Then Ferguson turned to me: ‘Look at Patrice,’ he said. ‘He has 24 brothers and sisters. Imagine what his mother had to do to put food on the table!’ Then he turned to Wayne Rooney: ‘Look at Wayne. He grew up in one of the toughest parts of Liverpool.’ Then he turned to Park Ji-sung: ‘Look at Ji, he came from South Korea.’
As he told our stories, we began to realize he was talking about a family. We weren’t just a football team… we were people from all corners of the world, from all kinds of cultures, races and religions. And now we were there, together in a locker room in Moscow, fighting for a common cause. Through football, we became brothers.
‘THIS is my victory,’ Ferguson said. We all got goosebumps. Then we went out and won the Champions League. That’s Manchester United. That’s why I love this game.”
Johnny Midnight retweeted
🚨Hey, Elliot Anderson, just a reminder that football didn’t start in 2011, mate.
When you’re done talking, have a look at the trophy cabinet.
P.S. See you at Old Trafford on 13 September.
teapawt.net/FootballVid7/status/20…
🩵👋🏼 Elliot Anderson: “For as long as I've known Manchester, City have been the KINGS of Manchester”.
“#MCFC are winners, they’re relentless, and that's the sort of team I want to be a part of - champions and people who win trophies”.
Johnny Midnight retweeted
🚨 Seedorf on Kobbie Mainoo playing zero minutes at the World Cup:
🗣️ Reporter:
“How do you explain Mainoo not featuring once?”
🗣️ Seedorf:
“I can’t. England took a midfielder who played a major role in Manchester United finishing third, watched him train for weeks, then decided his biggest contribution would be improving everyone else in the drills.
Anderson who finished 16th with Nottingham was heavily relied on. Henderson played. Reece James was even trusted in midfield. Kobbie got a bib and a front row seat.
Then you hear it may have been because he was too quiet. He was a bit introverted. That’s where you appreciate Michael Carrick. Some managers see a quiet player and start searching for personality. Carrick gives him the ball and finds it there.
One manager built his midfield around Mainoo. The other took him to a World Cup as training equipment. And had Tuchel replaced Amorim at United, I don’t see him outperforming Carrick. Not because he’s a bad coach, but because Carrick understood the player Tuchel couldn’t even find one minute for.”
