What is a slumpbuster?

One time I was in a department store with my mom. It was the early 1990s. All the kids at school had Jordans. I wanted Jordans, of course, but my mom wasn’t going to lay out $100 when other sneakers cost $40. Then I spotted a pair of Jordans on the shelf for $40. I got excited. I figured I’d finally get my pair. Then I saw something that stopped me cold: they were noticeably damaged. I put the pieces together quickly. This was why they were $40. I got them anyway. As it turns out, at 11 years old I had less discerning taste than the girl on Love Is Blind. That man is the damaged pair of Jordans. He comes very close to being the idealized man, but at every turn something is slightly off. He talks like Connecticut royalty while somehow seeming like a dork. He tries to seem suave and pulls it off just enough to make you wonder. Then he says something incelish. He claims he’s never been in love, and you wonder: is that because you’re some emotionally cold playboy with a new woman every few weeks, or because you’re just a fucking loser? Then you look at him more closely, and the damaged Jordans become impossible to ignore. In a certain light, he has great hair, a large frame, and an admirable jawline. But somehow it all comes together as the weird, bizarro, dollar-store version of a handsome man. An uncanny valley where every feature is almost right, making the whole thing feel even more wrong. A pair of damaged sneakers that no one wanted. But me, of course. I got my pair of Jordans. I was happy.

If a woman isn’t attracted to you from the moment she meets you, whatever comes later isn’t genuine attraction. She has an ulterior motive. Men who’ve never experienced genuine, immediate attraction wouldn’t know the difference.