squeaK

Today I live my life as a free adult, and opening back up Pandora’s box after I have spent a long time closing it is a tough decision to make. Ideally I would have loved to just disappear from the internet, but the fictional label that has been placed on me as a person has unfortunately seeped into real life. My childhood friends ask me if certain things are true, and I quite often get recognized and questioned in public. It’s conflicting, but I don’t want to be remembered as something I’m not. This goes way deeper than “content”. It’s about self respect.  Therapy has been a huge part of my life due to a decade of trauma. I owe it to my younger self to protect her now, even though it means opening the box one last time. I am not scared anymore, because I am the only person in charge of myself and my actions.  This next part I’m about to say is again due to self respect and the other reasons I already explained. I’m gonna go live on my personal Twitch when I’m ready to clear up some misinformation. I don’t know exactly when, because I need to make sure I do this properly to avoid being dragged back into the judicial system and the endless pit of negativity and manipulation. I want to continue moving forward with life as I have been, in the direction that is mine and mine alone.  While you’re already here reading this, I want to thank my friends in the streamer world for protecting my peace. “I never heard from you” after a heartfelt call or a hangout was such a comforting validation when I needed privacy to heal and learn how to be an adult on my own. Sometimes that just means space and understanding, but also the words “I believe you”, when I was convinced that nobody would. I didn’t need to say much when the process began, but you all understood immediately and followed through. I love you. I take back what I said about streamers, there are REAL ones in this industry after all.