Kati Trottier

The guy in front of me at REI asked if the tent came in living room size. Employee: For camping? Guy: For a dog. Employee: (pause) A camping dog? Guy: An emotionally complicated dog. I was there buying wool socks and immediately stopped pretending not to listen. The employee pulled down two boxes and started giving him the usual pitch about weather resistance and pack weight. Guy: I don't care if it survives a mountain. I care if it survives my apartment during thunderstorms. That got my attention. He was maybe early forties, still in work clothes, holding a chewed-up leash like evidence. Guy: I adopted this dog in March. Sweetest animal I've ever met until it rains. Then he tries to crawl under the bathtub. Employee: Have you tried a crate? Guy: He bent the crate door. Me: Big dog? Guy: Eighty pounds of panic. He showed us a picture. Huge black mutt with one ear up and one ear doing whatever it wanted. Me: Yeah, that's not fitting under a chair fort. Guy: I made him three of those. He destroyed two and cried in the third. Employee: Vet say anything? Guy: Build him a den. Small enclosed space. Sit with him. Make it feel normal. He looked around the store. Guy: So now I'm here, apparently buying my dog a nicer shelter than I've ever owned. We ended up helping him pick a pop-up tent because the employee said if thunder started, he didn't want to be fighting poles and instructions while a dog was having an existential crisis. Guy: Important question. Can a grown man fit in there with one unreasonable dog? Employee: If you like each other, yes. Guy: He likes me. I don't know if he respects me. At checkout the cashier asked if he needed stakes. Guy: Unless my living room gets windy, I think we're good. I went back a week later because I forgot the socks. Same employee saw me and grinned. Employee: Tent dog guy came back. Me: No way. Employee: Brought a picture. He showed me his phone. The dog was dead asleep inside the tent on a pile of couch cushions, stretched out like he paid rent. The guy was half in, half out, folded at the waist with a paperback in one hand. Employee: He said the storm lasted two hours. Dog didn't shake once. Me: What about him? Employee: He said his back may never recover but it was the best night's sleep the dog had since he brought him home. Honestly, fair trade.

I was at urgent care with an infected cut when a kid walked in holding his arm at a weird angle. His dad was right behind him looking pale. Receptionist: What happened? Dad: He broke his arm. Kid: I didn't break it. Dad: Your arm is literally bent wrong. Kid: It's fine. Receptionist: How did this happen? Dad: He jumped off the roof. Me: (looked up) Receptionist: Your roof? Dad: Our roof. Two stories. Kid: I had an umbrella. Everyone in the waiting room went quiet. Receptionist: You had an umbrella. Kid: Like a parachute. Dad: He watched Mary Poppins yesterday. Kid: It works in the movie. Dad: YOU'RE NOT MARY POPPINS. The kid seemed genuinely confused about why the umbrella didn't work. Like he'd done the math and couldn't figure out what went wrong. Receptionist: Okay, let's get you back. They called him in pretty fast. The dad sat down next to me and put his head in his hands. Dad: I was mowing the lawn. Me: You didn't see him climb up? Dad: I saw him on the roof. I yelled at him to stay put while I got the ladder. Me: And? Dad: He said okay. Me: But? Dad: Apparently okay meant he'd wait until I was getting the ladder from the garage. Me: Then he jumped. Dad: With my wife's good umbrella. Which is also broken now. Me: That's what you're worried about? Dad: You haven't met my wife. A nurse came out twenty minutes later. Nurse: Dad? He went back. I heard the kid explaining to someone that penguins can't fly because they don't have umbrellas. They came out an hour later. Kid had a blue cast and was eating a popsicle. Kid: They gave me drugs. Dad: Please don't say it like that. Kid: I'm high as a kite. Dad: (to the nurse) Is he supposed to be this honest? Nurse: It'll wear off. As they left, the kid stopped and looked at me. Kid: Don't try the umbrella thing. Me: Wasn't planning on it. Kid: Everyone says that. Dad: Let's go. Kid: I'm gonna try a bigger umbrella next time. Dad: There's not gonna be a next time. Kid: That's what you said about the trampoline. The dad looked at me. Dad: We don't have a trampoline anymore. They left. The receptionist looked over at me. Receptionist: Some kids just wake up and choose chaos. Me: Think he'll actually try again? Receptionist: Oh absolutely. I got my cut cleaned and left. Saw them in the parking lot. The kid was trying to open the car door with his casted arm while explaining something about eagles. That dad deserves an award.