My professor just told everyone in my zoom class that we all look clinically depressed and accused us of drinking alcohol out of our tumblers and everyone just stared back at him looking clinically depressed while drinking alcohol out of their tumblers.
Sometimes I love my insomnia because it gives me the opportunity to snuggle my dog without her resisting cause she’s too sleepy.
It’s weird to think some people have jobs that don’t cause them to routinely cry on their way home from emotional exhaustion. Like my parents just drive home and go and live their lives on their days off and here I am laying in bed at 4am wondering if my patient will die soon.
Grad school has allowed me to develop a healthy pattern of functional insomnia that’s basically required to take care of a puppy so congrats Milo you’re getting a brother.
It’s weird to think that there are people who don’t own a cat or dog. Like what else even brings joy to your life? Your dirty smelly insubordinates that you call kids? Don’t kid yourself crazy lady.
When I was in first grade I lied and said I was allergic to cinnamon graham crackers so that I could have the chocolate ones for snack.
For the seventh time in my life someone told me I remind them of @chrissyteigen. Is there even a better compliment out there?
@mommaalyy Bananas in pajamas responded to me on Facebook once and Red Bull commented on my Instagram. If @chrissyteigen acknowledged my existence on Twitter my life would be complete.
My mom always had to stop for coffee or creamer on our way home from anything when I was growing up and I was so inconvenienced but now I get it.
Lo Elyse retweeted
I don't think I've ever rooted so hard for two people to be together so damn bad in my life #TheBacheloretteFinale
