Harry Nipples

Is this still a thing? I finally thought of a joke.

Douchebag hats. http://twitpic.com/3069sr

Remember when we used to tweet multiple times a day? I know! Right?!?

Just finished the yearly vacuuming of the bed. Ladies?

I would sleep with ANY of the people on America's Test Kitchen. Just sayin'.

I can't believe there's a drug to help women make tears. Just give them a night* in the bedroom with me. * a few minutes

Day off of work because no school today. Watching Price Is Right and feeling so much better about myself.

I'm reading a 250 page technical document but only looking at the pictures. Finished in 5 minutes. Yep, I'm ready for management.

I just saw a student driver honk at and flip off another driver. He must be an honors student.

The tailgate party is now starting. Toledo is coming to town and we need to be good and drunk by then. #bronconation

This pizza is soooo good. It's way better than not eating.

I missed a whisker shaving my upper lip this morning. Do I pluck it or just pretend it's not there, like grandma used to do?

I like Mexican beer so I can't wait for twist-off bottle cap technology to reach Mexico.

Eating lots of spicy food lately, because I hate my anus. Apparently.

Did I feed the fish today?

After a week of eating hotdogs and/or bagels for lunch, I've come to the conclusion that food shaped like genitalia is delicious.

Checking Craigslist for a new Sherona.

A drug named Boniva I assume it's for erectile disfunction. I'm a bit disturbed that Sally Fields is the spokesperson. Also, turned on.

I've had so much sausage in my mouth this week that the cable company just removed the military channel.

My night to cook. http://twitpic.com/2r0awx