Unpopular opinion from a relationship scientist: You're not bad at relationships. You've just been given bad information. You've read the books. Done the therapy. Still ending up in the same place. That's fixable. 40,000+ people are doing it here, every Thursday. Free. → psychologyofrelationships.su…

Your relationship is only as strong as the uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have.

Somewhere along the way you started dating for an audience. Tall enough, rich enough, hot enough to survive others' judgment. Ignore the real (or imagined) audience.

Key Reframe: Learn to see boredom as unexpected serenity

If you're looking for a real relationship, stop dating with dumb questions like "What's your sign?" or "What are your hobbies?" Ask real questions like, "How would you live your life differently if no one was watching?" Let's get to the good stuff sooner.

Researchers call this "inclusion of other in the self" and a greater sense of overlap or merged identities contributes to a greater sense of loss of self upon breakup.

You're not afraid of being alone. You're afraid of being abandoned. One fear makes you seek company. The other makes you chase reassurance. Different fears. Different fixes.

Have you ever sat and looked at your current life through the eyes of your 17-year-old self? I do a bit of that in this one, reflect on my Psychology of Relationships Substack hitting 50,000 subscribers, and share some thoughts around a common question I get. psychologyofrelationships.su…

Don't introduce a new relationship partner to the version of you your last relationship left behind. Let them meet the real you.

In every situationship, there are two liars: One person lying to themselves, and one person lying to their partner.

My new favorite phrase about always falling for the same "type": If you see the same rock twice on a hike, you're not on a journey, you're lost.

Half of what people know about relationships is wrong. The problem is that they don’t know which half.

Marry the love of your life, then joyfully work the rest of your life at loving the person you married.

Preparation is smart people’s favorite form of procrastination. Stop reading, thinking, and planning about dating. (Yes, including this.) 🤪 Go on dates. You only get better at what you actually do.

Count how many of your dating complaints trace back to an impossible standard. Replies fast? Desperate. Replies slow? Doesn't care. Emotionally available? Ick. Reliable and says what they mean? Boring. Nobody passes that test.

A terrible partner wastes a date night. A mismatched but nice partner wastes a couple of months. An amazing partner makes a lifetime.

What students don't fully realize is that AI is decoupling grades from knowledge. That means grades will signal even less than they do today. Employers will have even more reason to focus on what you can actually do and what you truly know. Your GPA may help you get your first job. If you've relied too heavily on AI, you may be in for a rude awakening.

One clear, 100% undeniable truth about attachment: every one of us should be working toward becoming more secure. You’re not an “anxious,” “avoidant,” “disorganized,” or even a “secure” person. These are patterns, not permanent identities.