comedian

Joined June 2011
when your girlfriend runs into her friend and you’re stuck with the other boyfriend
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Mitch McConnell is the first person to take bereavement leave for himself
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Looks like I picked a hell of a week to get surgery to look exactly like Ed Sheeran
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has this been done
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why does Spider Man live in New York and order Little Caesar’s
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Meeting a Siren IRL
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me at the bar in my 30s:
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Going to Guitar Center and doing the Odysseus bow thing on a $1500 bass
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me at 10 yrs old. someone said I looked like their abuela
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(To the tune of 12 Days of Christmas) 900 Snakes
INSANE: 900 Snakes, Including Venomous Cobras, Escape into Village from Breeding Farm After Massive Flooding in China.
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(Me watching Bones for the first time) Oh my god there’s bones in every episode
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Joyce cooked
parallel with the Knicks' extraordinary penchant for magically rallying, coming-up-from-behind to triumph at virtually the last minute was the weirdly fascinating drama of "Wemby" on the court distinctive not only by his height but the thinness of his body which appeared, beside his teammates, almost pre-pubescent, lacking maturity. no matter where you looked, there was always "Wemby" charging about anticipating an opening to shove, push someone with a solid adult body with a baby-faced look of insouciance: "Who? Me? I' m just a kid."
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Doesn’t seem like a good news story
Good news story: A woman and her son were running late at Penn Station New York and missed the last train to the stadium. She was visibly upset and in tears after realizing they would miss the event.
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whole plane watching the knicks game except for one dude watching avatar
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willy wonka really killed 4 kids and gave the 5th his entire corporation
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CBS has found the show that will take over the 11:30 timeslot after Stephen Colbert exits "The Late Show." It's "Comics Unleashed," the stand-up show from Byron Allen.
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No one: Tiger Woods driving to CVS:
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(Running into the Pentagon, waving newspaper) sir!
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Love on the Spectrum
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They better interview RUBEN BOUMTJE BOUMTJE
UNTOLD: JAIL BLAZERS premieres April 14. In the early 2000s, the Portland Trail Blazers were stacked with talent—and surrounded by controversy. Through firsthand stories from Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire, and Bonzi Wells, this is an unfiltered look at a team caught between brilliance and notoriety—and the media storm that followed.
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