M.T. Foyer

You could never make Blazing Saddles today. Most movies take at least a couple months to film and it’s already 9pm.

Breaking News: JD Vance is a time-traveling snuffleupagus groomer who murders nursing home members with fat burritos of glitter and glass to draw attention to the suffering of Trump's poll numbers.

I've had this question nagging me for years: how do people have money for stuff?

A lot of people avoid pain, but I find pain and struggle builds character and grit. That's why I eat the end slices of loaves of bread. #alphamale

When Lazarus died the second time, his buddies all said in comedic sitcom unison, "Here we go again!" (freeze frame, roll credits)

Some people are into heavy metal, but I've stopped eating lead and I've never felt better.

Parenting is wild. I asked a parents forum a simple question and I got back so many disperate answers: "You're a moron!" "My God! What is wrong with you?" "You should not have children, you psycho!" I just wanted to know how many dirty stones my toddler should be eating each day.

It's 11 O'clock. Do you know where your spiders are?

Here is my comprehensive list of foods that taste amazing after brushing your teeth: - - - - - - For more mind-blowing tips, be sure to like and subscribe.

I was working on this pair of intracate sand portraits of my favorite Simpson's bully on my patio floor. It took a lot of work, but amazing no one wanted them. I couldn't give them away. Seems nobody wants two free Nelson mandalas.

People forget the US constitution prohibits the state from discrimination on grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth, but says nothing about innies and outies.

Please, it's NOT true that JD Vance humped a couch! It was a loveseat.

So Robert Downey Jr. is going to be the new MF Doom? Wild.

Just a friendly reminder - if you put Duracell batteries in an Energizer flash light, it will explode.

My Favorite Person: I feel horrible. I haven't eaten all day. Me: What would you like to eat? MFP: Oh, nothing.

Some people are not excited about the future, but I think they are downplaying that washing machines sing little songs now.

I don't know what to make of AI. When will Jamiroquai release a song clearly delineating how I should feel about it?

Louisiana, what about the other 5?