If I could just be serious for a moment people would probably prefer that to my shitty jokes. Expect Animation, Games, Wrestling and other such nonsense.
Joined March 2022
- Tweets25.7K
- Following760
- Followers375
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Maples retweeted
Sean Lock (RIP) on Russell Brand in 2014.
"The reason I hate him so much is because I'm a dad and I have this fear that my daughters will bring something like that home."
Maples retweeted
Give Katherine Ryan her flowers. deadline.com/2023/09/russell…
Maples retweeted
BOSS: Have you sorted the competition prize money? £12,000 isn’t it?
ME [CLEARLY WEARING A BRAND NEW £76 BANDANA]: Yeh something like that
Maples retweeted
Matt Damon says he was offered the role of John in ‘TED’.
“I was like, Well, ‘maybe the teddy bear's actually the best part.…’ So I overthought it and I talked myself out of it.”
(Source: gq.com/story/matt-damon-men-…)
Maples retweeted
Weirdly specific pop culture trope: Slovenly single guys use big wooden spools as makeshift tables.
I have never known anyone to do this in real life, but here are examples from Taxi, The Simpsons, and Aqua Teen.
Maples retweeted
my mum was on unemployment when she died and the job center sent me a letter addressed to HER which clarified the reason her benefits were terminated was her death but that she could always file to claim benefits again should those circumstances ever change lmfao
Maples retweeted
UK press seeing progressives elsewhere: You can't help but feel hope for the future 🥹
UK press seeing progressives here: Jeremy Corbyn's communist plot to plant more trees will kill you and your firstborn. Why won't you condemn photosynthesis Jeremy???
Maples retweeted
all the people acting shocked over this are pissing me off like PTSD and C-PTSD are diagnoses given to regular non-veteran everyday people all the time you really can't be that stupid
Maples retweeted
My 16yo daughter (who stayed up until midnight watching election results) just came into my room and ranted for half an hour about how her 18yo friends didn’t vote and half her girlfriends are politically apathetic and “how can you be a WOMAN in THIS COUNTRY and not CARE??” 🥹
Maples retweeted
Defeatism, apathy, and negativity is just so tiring. I was like that in my teens, even most of my 20s. But as I got older I realized it does nothing for you or anyone. Everything you do matters, no matter how small a victory. The hope in the world is worth forging ahead for.
Maples retweeted
UMAGA 🥹
What a moment between @Zillafatu and @JohnCena!
