MelEisley

This just happened #mew #pokemongo #goplayer

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"You know what I love? When I can see my cellulite bubbles. See that crater? You know what it is? It's a Girl Scout cookie."

"I hope you're having a good time. I hope your tits look good."

"I just wanna nibble on your chubby kid. Is that weird?"

"I drink milk and eat cereal. That's all I do. Except write theses and make sexual jokes."

"I'm not sure if that's chocolate or a beauty mark."

"I'm not fucking running, he ate my Twix!"

"I don't need friars and Chinese people sniffing at my asshole."

"All I smell is feet and vag. And honeycombs."

"YEAH VAGINA SAG! Nobody likes saggy vagina!"

"This song gets me horny. Not like it's hard."

Q: "You don't like wine?" A: "I like skim milk."

"I don't care if you think I'm a lesbian."

"Like, I'm really glad we both get diarrhea when we eat a bowl of cereal"

"Who wants to go taste India with me?"

"Your laugh is real cute. Now leave." #sorrynotsorry

"You better tell the boys that I had to sacrifice snuggling and SEX, and they're gunna say, 'WHY ARE YOU HERE!?!'" #butreally

"If I had pizza in my mouth I would be less likely to put it in other places... like boobs."

I"f you have a dick, I bet it'd be a big one. And you wouldn't be cocky about it."