@MichaelTakeMP
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The former Conservative MP for Dorset East. 🇬🇧 I can also be found here too: https://xitter.cf/t.co/czJlwAsKtK
Gussage All Saints, Dorset.
Joined May 2020
- Tweets33.8K
- Following554
- Followers99.4K
- Likes178K
Pinned Tweet
Delighted to see that The Daily Mail has had the good sense to quote me regarding the government’s sensible idea to disperse sewage in coastal waters in a safe manner whilst beaches are empty.
The Daily Mail continues to be an example of rigorous & well researched journalism.👍
Ode to Mike Graham
Mike is stout
Mike is ugly
Mike is drunk
Yet he acts so smugly
Mike is short
Mike’s unfit
Mike’s a failure
He tends to talk sh*t
Mike thinks concrete
Grows on trees
Drinks 15 pints
And smells of cheese
Mike is bold
Mike is bad
Mike has issues
He is sad.😢
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Things that currently annoy me:
-Celebrity Traitors (especially that chap called Bash. What sort of bloody name is Bash???)
-The advert with the bloke in the bath scrubbing his conkers & happily going on about being cremated
-Vinted
-Bloody fireworks
-Throuples
-‘Leisurewear.’
😡
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Bunty & I have followed Young Wes Streeting’s advice.
Here is our list of stocked survival essentials:
Lubricating gel
Chaka Demus & Pliers CDs
Jeggings
Toe fungus cream
Nipple clamps
Lard
Moth repellent
Poster of Frank Lampard
Anusol
Pads
Fish knife
WD-40
Top hat
Slacks
Yeasts.
Bunty & I have followed Young Wes Streeting’s advice.
Here is our list of stocked survival essentials:
Lubricating gel
Chaka Demus & Pliers CDs
Jeggings
Toe fungus cream
Nipple clamps
Lard
Moth repellent
Poster of Frank Lampard
Anusol
Pads
Fish knife
WD-40
Top hat
Slacks
Yeasts.
Things that currently annoy me:
-Celebrity Traitors (especially that chap called Bash. What sort of bloody name is Bash???)
-The advert with the bloke in the bath scrubbing his conkers & happily going on about being cremated
-Vinted
-Bloody fireworks
-Throuples
-‘Leisurewear.’
😡
Our girl Victoria Atkins is spot on!
If Nigel Farage were to sit down and you smelt his seat after he’d left, you’d definitely smell sexism & probably a musky odour of pubic cheddar. 🤢
Great to see Andrea & Liz back together again.
You can just sense the electricity, the moisture, the smell of Dettol.
They truly are a power duo.
Our Spice Girls
Our Thelma & Louise
Our lick & spit
Our lettuce & turnip
Our seat & sniff
Our Thursday night bath time.
Our rash.
🇬🇧
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Zia
What????!!!!!!
You’ve reported ITV to the police?
But you have repeatedly criticised the police, accusing them of "two-tier policing.”
You’ve alleged that "anti-white racism is structurally embedded" in police institutions.
Now you suddenly want the police to help you?
🤔
“You,Boy!
Get me 7 bags of coke and a copy of the bible.
I’ve got Tommy Robinson coming round tonight to talk about his court case!”
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Morning Lee
I’ve got a question for you.
Is seat sniffing now official Reform policy and will it be in your next election manifesto?
🤔
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Bob
You geezer
Had a few sherbets mate?
Heard you was givin it large to the travelling community a while back.
You mate are the dogs b*llocks.
You are well hard.
Fancy sniffing my seat?
You laaaaaaad.💪
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
I totally agree Alex when you say the ITV hatchet job on Reform ‘is one of many symptoms of a sick society in the process of breaking down.’
Why on earth should a media organisation show us racists & pervy misogynists hiding in a political party?
How does this serve society?
😳
This book rocks!
I’ve read a preview copy
It tells the story of a bold young lady who bravely embarks on a magical adventure of growing pies & dripping down.
Unfortunately she is turned into a lettuce.
It’s being called the best fantasy book since Tolkien’s ‘Lord of the Rings.’🤓
Genuinely feel sorry for this young married couple.
Apparently their suitcase containing the lubricating gel, whips, little blue tablets, open crotch tracksuit trousers, flap moisturiser and anal fungus spray has been lost by British Airways.
Their honeymoon is ruined. 😔
In your Super Soar Away Reformer this week:
Thursday Night Bath Time Bingo!
‘Rupert Lowe Ate My Hamster!’
‘My wife is wearing skirts the size of four teabags!’ Agony Aunt Sarah replies.
Win a balaclava and a year of free drinks at Wetherspoons in our exciting new competition!
🤖 Made with AI
‘Mr Anderson.
If you’d like to sniff my seat, I’m available on Thursday evening around about bath time.’
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
You’re an army now Lee?
Will you be fighting on The Somme again?
If I join will I get a uniform?
What’s it like?
Are we fighting for Russia or the UK?
Oh and are we invading ITV?
😉
Sir Michael Take CBE retweeted
Through a special task force of foul mouthed misogynist and racist councillors.
😉
At least in The Conservative Party we have a better class of idiot, racist, misogynist and extremist.
🇬🇧
