Lololololol

Trump: I love the meat! Ahhhh! I love it, look! *gestures*

Breaking: After consultations with numerous doctors and experts that went into Saturday, the Eagles are placing quarterback Jalen Hurts on injured reserve, sources tell @rapsheet and me. The move will sideline Hurts indefinitely. More info to come.

Trump: I had a police officer from New York. And he came up to thank me, and he was a rough guy. I don’t think he cried when he was born. He didn’t cry. He was not a crier. He’s a rough guy, big, strong guy, and he was almost crying. He was waiting in line to shake my hand, which I do with the police. And he said to me, “Sir, I want to thank you.” I said, “For what?” He said, “My wife has never respected me that much because I’ve lost a lot of money. I’ve gone into investments. I’ve always lost money. I’m not good at it. And yet now, after you’ve been here not even two years, my 401(k) is up by a number that Warren Buffett would be very proud of. Much higher than Warren Buffett’s numbers, to be honest.” And he said, “And she now views me as a financial genius. She viewed me as a loser for my whole life, and now she views me as a brilliant financial mind, and I didn’t do anything.” And I said, “Are you going to stay with your wife?” And he said, “I’m thinking about it.” No, I said, “Stay with your wife. It’s much less expensive.”