Mike Kevan

Merde! Pardon my French. I meant shit.

What does Darke and David Seymour have in common? Terrible Canadian accents! And inappropriate text conversations with underage girls...

I'm at the bit in Mark Shelley's Frankenstein when the monster is telling frankenstein about his old cottage family, which is being told by Frankenstein to some guy on a boat in the arctic, whose telling this, I think, to his sister. And I'm like, what the fuck? Where's Igor?

The zodiac killer was such a Sagittarius.

Man I just close my eyes after ive seen 6 magpies. I dont need more secrets.

Smaug is actually the good guy, its important that he sits on the pile of gold. If you try and take any he'll just kill you or take his mountain of gold somewhere else. He earned his pile.

Earth got that Netflix lighting.

I mean you say paraben free, but now where do I get my parabens?

Imagine Mulder looking through the Epstein files and being like "Yeah. But where are the aliens?"

"Don't sweat the small stuff" - Me with baseball size globs of sweat emanating from my body.

I havent got the Frieren style right, need to work on that. But I think its something like this.

Watched this on the plane home. Very disappointed to see this films message is still far too relevant.

The worst part having a kinky sex life, must be putting away stuff after. I don't even like looking in the mirror, let alone cleaning and storing accoutrement.

I love my kids climbing frame, or, as all of the spiders in a 2 block radius call it, "home".

What the fuck happened to paninis? I feel like paninis were the go to lunch food for like 3 years. Then everyone just stopped.

Positively Lynchian.

Now, when my son is difficult, I say, "You are not helping Honmoon."

Me walking around with the pokemon gym badges just waiting for someone to ask me if I "go to the gym?".

How much better would kids movies be if they could swear. Picture Nemo's dad saying "Shit, where's my fucking son?". So much better.

Imagine thinking Star Wars has gone woke when the first movie is mainly about a gay robot couple.

Trying to petition my community to remove lawns and replace them with sustainable rock gardens. It's a grassroots movement.