Miss_Cook

All y’all hyping up Taco Bell’s Baja Blast owe me and my taste buds an apology.

Me looking at the recommended serving size on literally anything:

Kiss me I’m Ir...reparably damaged and emotionally stunted with limited social skills. And maybe like .3% Irish.

The audacity of people using speakerphone. Like bruh I’m rarely a willing participant in my own phone conversations and now you’re forcing me to be a part of yours? Hard pass.

The audacity of the internet making me realize just how often my Ohio born and raised ass says ‘ope’.

The hardest word you’ll ever try to spell is the nickname you give your dog.

Lost inside her dirty world, No one hurts this pretty girl but her. #SLIPKNOTQUARANTINESWEEPS

This is why they’ll never tell us the truth about UFOs #coronavirus #ToiletPaperApocalypse

Life hack: print out Trump’s tweets. BOOM you’ve got plenty of toilet paper.

Has anyone tried telling Trump the Corona virus is an illegal immigrant from Mexico?

Anytime I put pizza rolls in the oven instead of the microwave.

Nobody: Perfume commercials: WELCOME TO MY FEVER DREAM.

So now I not only have to be jealous of Billie Eilish for being a talented 17yo millionaire, but she’s never had to listen to Van Halen either? Lucky bitch.

It’s that time of year when we’re reminded of that age old question WHO TF IS GIVING A CAR AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT?! And are they single?

Disney+ is everything I don’t want to watch in one place.

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Almost everyone is bilingual if you count the language they speak to their pets.

This entire administration has surpassed driving the speed limit in the fast lane levels of rage.

Y’all doing Keto while I’m over here serenading carbs like

It’s impossible to ask for an “R” on Wheel of Fortune and not sound like a pirate.