Ain’t there aliens now? Why we still working?

Me anytime someone calls me handsome

“Is Sarah’s comment toward Ben considered workplace harassment?” A)Yes B)No Me:

My son: “What were the 1900’s like?”

How her kid’sCapri Suns see me at 2:30am

“Watch your little brother while I’m gone” Me watching my little brother:

Pulling my money out of my 401k since I won’t be needing it in WW3

Over here trying to fit in with people when I’m a god. That’s my f**king problem.

I’m him, and I ain’t the one at the same time. Don’t get them confused.

I got Cowboy Carter tickets down here:

How 70% of Mother’s Day ended today.

Royal Kingdom must be cutting a BIG check

Waiting for game 3

All those “calm down” “relax” and “Ok take it easy” @MollyQerim been throwing at @stephenasmith and Knicks fans every time he expresses excitement about the Knicks. I think an apology is order @FirstTake #orangeandblueskies

“Girl, why this man pulled up with a baby-seat in the back, talkin bout can we go to my place, his brother using his”

Harden must’ve got a text from bottle service that his table was ready @NBAonTNT

Ryan & Spike & Jordan & John

Brunson: Sir, we have an exit row seat available. Would you like to be moved there? Thompson: Yes, please.

Russell Westbrook is literally a MarioKart item box