NoLuckWanted

Sometimes I find myself craving human contact. Other times I'm not horny.

HAHA Thanks @Shane_Rodenbeck! I forgot about that old hero pussy tweet. We still need more true heroes in this world!

Vagrancy suits me.

Hey babe @THEBU_ZZED! I miss you and I'm going abroad for a year. Let's meet up on a beach in Thailand. Text me.

I have a short attention span and I'd rather be drinking, so exactly how fucking far do I have to scroll to find a tweet you wrote?

The guys with their bombs are cute, but if a few menstruating women ever form a terrorist cell, the world is in for some apocalyptic shit.

Ahhh yes @TheB0MBS... the good ole' days. When I was funny and your herpes was in remission. hahah, good to see you though babe. xoox

Some guy is busy starring my old tweets which is hilarious because it makes me remember I used to be funny.

Someone just called me a cynical bitch, which is strange because I've always thought people didn't understand the real me.

I only wax when I'm sexually active, so I think the fact that I could braid my shit means it's time to get laid.

I like to preach morality at 10:00 AM while I drink mimosas and run my gambling websites because irony is hilarious.

WHAT? A selfie and a shoutout for $500 @TheB0MBS? I'll give you a black eye and a happy ending for $20. Deal?

Someone just posted that their tweets are worth $14,000, which is weird because I didn't realize the price of horse shit had gone up.

A guy with a cart full of wine at Publix just told some lady her screaming kid was a fucking asshole, so maybe I do have a soulmate.

I guess I'm about to start my period, because I just got so angry with a plant I told it to fuck off.