Damon Wayans says that even at 65 years old, if Keenen tells him to get him a soda, he's going to go get it, because in their family, it’s all about an unspoken code of respect, seniority, and brotherly hierarchy.
“Yeah, but like even now, this is how my family is. Like, I'm 65 years old and Keenen goes, "Go get me a soda," and I got to go get it.”
“If Marlon walks in a room, and you know, if I walk in a room and there's no seats, Marlon gets up. Sean and Keenen will sit, and Marlon will get up and say, "You sit here." And my son will have to do the same thing.”
“That's why I love the fact that they have children. Because I go to my theater sometimes and little Damon's there and Mikey's there, and as soon as I walk in the room, the youngest one gets up and lets me sit down without question, and I love that.”
“It's just how we do with each other. It's just a quiet code. Some things you don't have to teach, it's just what you see.”
Jerry Seinfeld talks about the Marcus Aurelius lesson that stopped him from wasting mental energy on things he can’t control.
“If you can’t control it, don’t bother thinking about it. That’s one of the biggest things.”
“Someone gave me this book a couple years ago called Meditations. It has nothing to do with meditation, it’s just notes Marcus Aurelius wrote when he was Emperor of Rome around 150 AD. It’s one of the most brilliant ways of looking at life I’ve ever read.”
“When you worry about stuff you can’t control, you’re taking energy and brainpower away from the things you actually can control. You can control your act.”
“On the night of the show, whatever didn’t sell, whatever’s wrong with the sound, if you’re tired, there’s no point thinking about any of it. It’s a waste of time.”
“Success comes from asking, ‘What can I do today that’s important for me?’ That’s where your focus should be. That’s Marcus Aurelius.”
50 Cent said Jay-Z never dominated rap… Charlamagne just told Andrew Schulz that might be true on sales, but Hov’s still been the most culturally relevant artist since ’98.
Andrew Schulz: Was Jay-Z ever actually the biggest rapper of any era? He didn’t sell more than Eminem, he might not be as famous as Snoop, and he never had the number-one records like Ye or Drake.
Charlamagne: He didn’t sell more records than Eminem. He might not even be as famous as Snoop Dogg. He hasn’t had the number-one records like Ye or Drake.
But he’s been the most consistently culturally relevant artist since ’98. People wanted to dress like him. They wanted to rap like him. They wanted to talk like him. They wanted to drink what he was drinking. They wanted to drive what he was driving.
Gary Owen's brutal advice for women: Never marry an athlete, entertainer, or ball player in their 20s. You have to let them get it all out of their system first because there is simply too much access to things.
"Does it get hard to say no? It does. It's not the easiest, especially when you grow up like I did, where I didn't have attention and nobody told you you're great. So to get people like, they like me, you're like, whoa, I never got attention like this.”
“I would tell people, it's similar to ball players and stuff. I would tell women, never get married to anybody in their 20s. You got to let them get it out their system. It's just too much access to things. I think it's easier the older you get. But, man, your 20s? That's hard."
Gary Owen talks about cancel culture and explains why guys like Dave Chappelle and Shane Gillis are completely untouchable, while corporate comics like Kevin Hart have to watch every single word.
"Well, I'm just say I can't say the N-word. But I think live comedy shows, you're fine. And that's why we don't want your cell phones out. Because people go to the shows with a level of expectation... and some people want to hear the uncomfortable.”
“You got to ask yourself is it worth it. For me to stand on my two feet and say I'm going to do this joke, I don't care, I say what I want. Have you created a strong enough fan base that cancel culture can't mess with you? Cuz there are people like Chappelle, Ricky Gervais, Andrew Schulz, and Shane Gillis, they can't be canceled.”
“Kevin can. Kevin's very corporate. Kevin has to be careful what he says, because he ain't trying to mess up that check.”
Jason Sudeikis says leaving a 10% tip for bad service doesn’t teach the waiter anything, it just makes you look terrible.
“I feel like that’s going to make people more anxious, right? Because this is a form of anxiety.”
“Growing up I thought anxiety was only about dying… no, it’s about stuff like this.”
“Being asked at the table, ‘Thanks Mark, what are you tipping?’”
“I don’t think tipping poorly teaches anything. If you tip 10%, they’re just gonna go ‘what an asshole.’ You gotta give a note: ‘I normally tip more, but you were so…’ or say it to them.”
Cam’ron & Ma$e roast Jay-Z for “picking himself” to do the Super Bowl Halftime Show… then predict Hov drops a new album the very next day to ride the streaming boost
“Out of all the people on the roster, they couldn’t pick nobody else? It’s his show, he gets to pick himself. He sat with himself and told himself,
‘Self, we need to do this show. Do you wanna do this show?’ And self said, ‘I feel like I could do it.’
Give me two weeks to think about it… then he told himself today, ‘I’m doing the show.’
The album comes out Monday after the Super Bowl. Streams go up crazy after these shows, why not take advantage? End it with Blueprint 5 tomorrow, streaming at midnight.”
Pharrell threatened to give “Grindin’” away if Pusha T didn’t get to the studio immediately, then made him rewrite his verse three times. They both knew right then it was the turning point for Clipse.
“Get here or I’m giving it away… it ain’t no turning back. By the time I got there, you made me rewrite it three times.” Pharrell never made Pusha rewrite a verse before or since. The record took nine months to pop, but they refused to move on."
"That studio ultimatum and the three rewrites became the turning point for Clipse. They locked in a classic by trusting the beat and each other, even when the industry was slow to catch on"
Paul Bissonnette says a porn star went on local radio the next morning and told the whole city he had a small horn and was bad in bed, right before a huge playoff-position game against the Blackhawks.
“I was on this local radio show and they set me up with a porn star. Next morning she goes on the air and says I have a small horn and I’m bad in bed."
“That night we’re playing Chicago for a playoff spot. Meanwhile I’m already getting called into Don Maloney’s office every week.”
Gary Owen says his former show opener betrayed him during his divorce mediation by calling his wife to spill dirt, including the wild revelation that they both secretly slept with the same woman.
"Yep, that's the thing. I get why comics keep people around, not to hide secrets, but because you're with them more than your family and they act like your therapists on the road."
"So this dude I fired in 2018 when my divorce happened called my wife during mediation and started telling her dirt about me."
"She started naming off girls, and then she mentioned one in particular, saying this dude told her I fired him because I found out he slept with her too."
"That really hit me because I didn't even know my old opener slept with her behind my back. You get killed in the Sopranos for that, so I won't even say his name; he don't deserve it."
Avan Jogia reveals that he almost got fired during season one of Victorious because he was just not good enough, explaining that old-school Hollywood shows would easily replace actors who weren't cutting it.
"Oh yeah, for just not being good. In real talk, they would do that, I had watched other one-off characters get replaced. It was old school, like that old Hollywood thing where you better pick up your lines. I'd come from doing drama and didn't understand the rhythm of the multicam medium."
"Hitting your mark is just music, it doesn't matter what you're coming with, it's just a laugh and they fall. It's all rhythm, whereas I was trying to do all this internal work. And it's like, you got to pick it up, man, louder and funnier."
Sophia Bush reveals how she stood up to producers over being pressured to look topless on screen and told them, "It's my body"
"We had no adult who said these are common things that happen to young people on TV"
"They gave me bathing suit bottoms, but a nude strapless bra... I was like, no, I want a bathing suit top"
"And they were like, no, you're supposed to look topless. It's literally just going to look like my breasts are out in the water on screen"
"I'm saying no and you're saying no to me. And it's my body"
"It was sort of a straw that broke the camel's back"
"I literally said to my boss, I go, keep writing these scenes. I dare you. I'm going to start coming to set every day in a turtleneck