“What’s the combination?” “No sod knows...that’s why they’re rejects!”

"Does your face hurt Rodney?" "Only when I smile."

"Don’t you die! Don’t you bloody die!" "I’m not gonna die you plonker... I’ve just sat on me bacon sandwich!"

“I’ll spend my life in this wheel chair.” “Could have been worse.” “How?” “My gran had one with a squeaky wheel.”

“What happened? Has he broken anything?” “They reckon the aerial's beyond repair.”

“Get up as high as you can Del, ay... you might get a tan.”

“I said, is that our phone you can hear ringing?” “No.” “ARE YOU SURE?” “Yeah... ...we ain’t got a car phone.”

“Of course you’ll have some, we know how you like your gravy... don’t ya... ... git!”

“Of course I do... ...I can’t... ...there’s people here!” “Who was that Rodney?” “Oh, ah, Mickey Pearce.”

“I just don’t know what I’m gonna do.” “Leave it to me..." (Knocks) "COME ON, HURRY UP, THERE’S PEOPLE OUT HERE!”

“Del, you can’t speak French... you’re still struggling with English!”

"You dreamt that you were drowning? Is that a gentle way of telling us that last night you wet the bed?!”

“You mean we’re connected to America? It’s amazing innit?!”

“5" "12" "6" "10" "9” “8” “Done.” “That’s the way to do business Dave.”

“He’s hopping about all over the place like good ‘un.” “I know that, but when I woke up this morning he was dead!”

“I’ve looked it up on my birth certificate and passport and everything. My name's definitely Rodney.”

"Not only have you managed to sink every battleship you’ve ever sailed on, but now you’ve knackered a gravy boat!”

“This label has Maxwell house coffee on it. This label it says Oxo gravy granules. It’s a bit of a give away innit?!"

“Delll, let’s go!”

“Like Gandhi... Yeah, I mean he made one great film and then we never saw him again.”