#BHAARS - 96” Rice makes a fair challenge for the ball, but miss times it and takes out Yalcouyé. VAR checked it, no way is it as bad as Foden last week 🟨 Yellow card! xitter.cf/csabesz30/status/21013…

#MUNMCI - 23” Per rules, kicking someone is perfectly acceptable, so long as it is proactive - you must kick someone first. If you react to being kicked then it’s against the law and that’s why we sent Foden off

#SUNARS - 38” After 6 years, 8 months, 23 days, 12 hours, 45 minutes and 32 seconds of being the Arsenal manager, we have finally booked Mikel Arteta for leaving his technical area 🟨

#ARSCHE - 7” Someone kicks Emi Martinez in the head in a penalty box melee. Disgusting! Oh wait, it’s Gabriel - Play on!

#IPSLIV - 70” Almost forgot to check the offside there oopsies

#MUNIPS - 58” We managed to find an anomaly in the rules which meant that this was not a handball, and therefore allow the goal. Don’t expect us to do this in the future for your team though

#LIVNFO - 70” Neco Williams dives inside the box, luckily for him Michael Oliver is on VAR. Penalty kick!

For anyone confused with the current rules!

#MUNNFO – 55’ We’re sick of having to explain the handball rule to people every week. Look, we don’t know what it is and we make it up on a case by case basis depending on what clubs we like OKAY

#WHUARS - 96” West Ham have scored, but we can’t risk Spurs going down lads sorry, we’re gunna have to chalk this one off

#BUNAVL - 89” Walker stands on Buendias foot inside the area bringing him down and causing his boot to come off. VAR checked the incident and deemed that the boot came off his foot magically. No pen!

UEFA have informed us that because no one on the planet understands the handball rules, it’s been decided that we will simply allow handballs from now on

#LIVTOT - 55” Remember when we gave a pen to Man Utd against Palace when Lacroix grabbed Cunha the box a few weeks ago? Well the EXACT same thing, perhaps worse, just happened with our fave Van Dijk to Richarlison. No pen! Consistency! 🤝

#CHENEW All for one and one for all!

#TOTCRY - 33” As everyone can clearly see, Ismaila Sarr’s nose is offside, so we can’t allow the goal or a big 6 club to get relegated

#BREARS - 82” We triple captained Gabriel in FPL for Arsenals double gameweek, so we won’t be issuing a sending yellow for his challenge on Dango

#TOTNEW - 45” VAR OVERTURN After review we can see that Joe Willocks hair is offside