Paddy Outback

Fucking hell Twitter has gone to shite. Every time I look it it, it’s wall to wall tweets from people I don’t follow, all outraged by people doing things that don’t affect them or harm anyone else. Fuck off. Life’s too short to be mad at people who don’t do exactly as you do.

God damn it but I love @KNOWER_music. This shit is funkier than Rick James’ underpants. youtu.be/tuhe1CpHRxY

Fuck I remember when you could get one of these for under ten grand. Take the most boring car ever made, add AWD and an SR20 Turbo motor and you get one of the best cars ever made (IMHO). Also, I need to be richer.

Today, a lad in a Ford Mustang tried to overtake me after driving about 3mm from my rear wheel for ages. That lad promptly learned that trying is often the first step towards failing. Anyway, I shall recommence being an adult now.

Did you ever notice that when the internet asked for recommendations about what motorcycle someone should get, the answer is always the bike that they have. Unless it’s me. Don’t get a 2008 Meanstreak. It’s a silly bike. I love it but it’s completely retarded.

I’m normally a pretty relaxed motorcycle rider however if you pull up beside me at the traffic lights in a V6 Holden Commodore with an obnoxiously loud exhaust, I’m legally and morally obligated to make you look like an eejit when you try to speed ahead of me out of lights.

Is there anything more suspicious than seeing the words “aftermarket fairing” on an ad for a used sports bike? It’s up there with “dropped by previous owner”.

Here’s yet another bizarre quirk of the English Language that’s only found on motorcycle ads on FB Marketplace. “I crashed my sports bike and fucked up the fairing” is actually spelled “streetfighter conversion”. Seriously, English is a mental language.

I see Twitter still hasn’t shit the bed then.

Someone asked me why I bought the big Meanstreak instead of a Harley. It’s because it was cheap, has the correct number of front brake discs (two) and sounds like Thor gargling nails. 💁🏻

Every time I see one of those posts on a bike/car forum on FB where someone asks what’s wrong with their bike/car, I have to resist the urge to write “it’s fucked, mate!” In the comments.

I’m often afraid to speak about when I plan to go for rides. This is mainly because I’m worried that someone might ask to come along. #AntisocialBiker

Rocking a man-bun today. Stops me having to flick my hair out of my face 357 times a day. Any queries or comments will be addressed by my middle finger. I could cut my hair but I’m 41 and still have loads of it so I’m celebrating that fact 😂

I’m a 41 year old man who plays guitar badly. I just was asked to play Wonderwall. And I fucking played it. Next up: Stairway to Heaven, probably.

I have reached a weird place in life where my standard greeting for my girlfriend is “Dem Titties”.

Home for the weekend! The tent is inflatable so no fucking around with poles! At Bowen, QLD. 26° with a lovely breeze at the moment!

That new Honda Hornet CB750 looks like it’ll be a good bike. But will it be a great bike? Couldn’t tell you. Haven’t enough YouTube subs for Honda to bother giving me a press bike 💁🏻

Just dropping by to say the the forthcoming @DucatiMotor V4 Multistrada Rally makes me curse my lack of wealth. God, what a machine.

Arguing about any political/ social issue on the internet is completely pointless. Nobody will ever change their mind and people only ever try to “prove” that they’re right. I know all this, yet I keep getting sucked in. Like a moron.

Grand Theft Auto V is 9 years old today. NINE! Um, @RockstarGames, could you get on with it now? Thanks!