opinions as fact for 1000 years
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Joined March 2012
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Musk refers to money as dough simply because he likes both riches and raw bread. Gorging on the stuff, he uses his favourite phrase “I’m full of it and I got nothing left to prove” interchangeably between board meetings and the larder
Musk ran a raffle a his local fair. After calling out the winning tickets, he revealed that the numbers formed account details for $250m. Everyone scrambled to figure out the order but it was impossible. Those “winners” were Farage’s PR managers, and that fair was a zoom meeting.
Apparently Elon Musk is trying to force a workplace catchphrase at DOGE, but everyone knows catchphrases evolve organically, like mushrooms on wood. They’re saying his sense of humour is an invasive fungus, like mushrooms on wood. Sometimes he can be a toxic presence, like mushro
Elon Musk tried to sue the owner of puddles when he stepped in one right up to his middle. Doctor Foster of Gloucester Inc. counter-sued him for gimmick infringement. They settled out of court and agreed never to go there again.
Musk has a reputation for encouraging employees to sleep at the office to maximise productivity - but really it’s because he has never had a birthday party and an enforced sleepover would be his only chance to tell his secret bowling ball/cock story
Elon Musk is the man behind Costcutter - not the corner shop chain, the conglomerate of business management consultants. To get the name, he arranged a reciprocal brand deal. That’s why his consultants use the “shit sandwich” feedback model, and the shops always have gammon in.
Apparently Musk hates cats because his childhood nanny also had whiskers and he absolutely adored her (she’s dead now and the memories are painful for him)
Musk always thought a tariff was a tango flavoured sheriff, until he told a subordinate to impose tariffs on a business that owed him money and an army of fizzy orange dudes didn’t ride into town.
Musk forces his partners to call him Nusk because he thinks a cute lil pet name will detract from his personality
There once was a baby called Elon,
Who couldn’t get his Jim Choo heel on.
He cried every day
Till he wasted away!
How he’s pointless, like ‘nanas with peel on.
Elon used to be called Alan but changed it after realising he felt generally in competition with Alan Rickman
Musk offered to trade the country of Denmark for my set of ltd. edition Frozen II stickers. I went to Denmark in 2019 and liked it, but was skeptical about whether he had authority to trade a whole country. He ended up ghosting me about it. I should probably let it go…
I have intel that Elon keeps his pants and socks in the freezer. I also heard he uses a freezer for a chest of drawers in his bedroom. It’s becoming impossible to separate fact from fiction with this guy
Elon Musk is the etymological root of the word “genius” because he spent 1000 years living in a lamp before inventing Tesla