"Just move on and be happy!!" oh wow :) you're so clever :) I didn't think of that :) such a good idea :) thank you very much

Caring too much only fucks you over.

when girls call their boyfriend “daddy” i want to projectile vomit on their existence

No, I haven't met Mr. Right yet. But I have met Mr. Dumb, Mr. Know It All, and Mr. Who Doesn't Give A Fuck.

last day of school: other people: OMG im gonna miss all of you so much :') me: adios bitchachos

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia = Fear of long words.

No Microsoft Word, I did not spell my last name wrong. You're just dumb.

I am not getting out of this bed, it is warm and it loves me.

"Truth or dare?" "DARE!" "I dare you to________" "Never mind... Truth"

I'm so clever that sometimes, even I can't figure out what I'm doing.

The best thing about drinking a bunch of water before bed is, fucking nothing you have to get up out of bed to pee every 10 seconds.

I've got an idea!

Breaking News: I hate you.

You're an ugly slut, and I hate you.

They said SLEEP is good for the brain, why is it not allowed in SCHOOL?

There should be a Victoria's Secret for guys called Victor's Secret and Zac Efron should be an angel.

Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.

Me: buys thing online............. Me 3 hours later: Okay where is it

thigh gap thigh ga thigh g thigh thig thi th thr thre three three slices of pizza

I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it...