Pet MurreII

Goodbye! 😭

We are auctioning off the SNP helicopter and bus fleet to raise much needed cashflow. Full details on our website, which is also for sale.

It’s no big deal, SNP’s head of communications has resigned, meaning we have to send our own tweats.

The SNP membership data has been released, showing paid up SNP members total 66,754. It’s certainly not that unusual that 78% of members are called Humza and all share the same bank account details as SNP HQ.

Voting opens tomorrow to elect the SNP's next Leader & Scotland's next First Minister. May the best man win!

Whoever is elected to the role of First Minister, I have no doubts that he will lead the country to independence quickly, with dignity and honour.

There’s been rumours flying around since Nicola Sturgeon resigned about our private lives, together. All this has now been truthfully and fully explained so we could obtain a super injunction; which prevents release of any of this information into the public domain. 😌

I had a terrible dream last night that a future super injunction (Weeshts, as we call them), before Nicola and I head off together for an extended sabbatical on a remote island, didn’t work.

Rather than pick the next SNP leader on merit or votes, we have unanimously agreed to give the position to the person who would most likely take us to court for discrimination if they didn’t get the position.

Nicola Sturgeon has gone to work as normal today, claiming she did not recall resigning yesterday and it had the hallmark of an obvious Westminster smear campaign against the democratic will of Scotland.

If anyone else resigns today, other than Nicola and Swinney, which I am now aware of, kindly let me know IN ADVANCE of any sudden press conferences!

The weekly Sturgeon press briefing has been postponed on Monday, due to unforeseen extraordinary coincidences. Sturgeon under pressure as police step up SNP 'fraud' probe. heraldscotland.com/politics/…

There’s been a lot of unacceptable pressure on me since I loaned £107,000 to the SNP but I have now released my tax return paperwork. Into a massive bonfire in our garden.

The 10 digit account number erroneously published today with Nicola’s tax return, was definitely not the balance of my current account.

We are developing Scotland’s very own spy balloon technology, with £1m of public funding spent so far.(today)

Thankfully, only Nicola has been asked and agreed to publish her tax returns! 😅

Nicola and I have just received our official invitation to King Charles’ Coronation. We reluctantly but immediately accepted, only because it will keep Scotland on the global stage at such a prestigious and lovely event with many celebrities and other world leaders attending.

I had to sleep in our spare house again last night, as First Minister @NicolaSturgeon was raging her gender law was blocked. Nicola, a failed lawyer who had to leave the legal profession, had misunderstood big words in the Scotland Act about what devolved governments can do.

I’ll be honest. If we make the next general election a de facto referendum and we ‘win’ we would have backed ourselves into a corner on something we can’t deliver. Definitely the one after though! (as we’ll be retired and living in Portugal). 🙂

The massive amount of potholes in Scotland roads have been caused by our teams searching for the remains of the Greyfriars Bobby film dog. The remains have now been found nowhere near a road.