Greendale's finest Postman ! 馃嵑馃嵑馃嵑 parody . . . obviously 馃檨 #PissedUpPat #PatStats
Greendale
Joined April 2017
- Tweets4.2K
- Following395
- Followers4.6K
- Likes6.3K
Postman Pat retweeted
"Morning Mrs Goggins, sorry I'm a bit late. . . . . .I've just seen Granny Dryden Being mugged by three men at the bus-stop"
"Did you go over and help Pat ?"
"No . . . . I think three of them was enough"
Postman Pat retweeted
"Ah hello Pat . . . It's 2.45 AM and I've just had a call from Granny Dryden to say that on your way home from the pub you've pissed through her letter-box then knocked on the door, getting her out of bed to ask how far along the hallway it went"
#PissedUpPat
Postman Pat retweeted
"What a party last night at the Reverands house eh Pat ? . . Did you see his gold toilet ? . I went twice and he's definitely got a gold toilet"
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"Hello Reverend ? . . . . I think I've found out who took a shit in your trombone"
Postman Pat retweeted
Today I helped Ted to put some signs up , the second job was new letters above the Post Office.
He said - "Send up a letter P, Pat"
I said - "we haven't got a 'P' . . . We only have a 'B"
He said - "We must've really messed up 'The Greenadale Brick Company' sign earlier"
Postman Pat retweeted
"Good morning Pat . . Miss Hubbard has reported that someone fitting your description squatted on her handle-bars and took a dump in her bike shopping basket at around 2 AM this morning . . Can you shed any light on this ? "
馃檲 #PissedupPat
Alf thompson told me that he was in the pub at lunchtime and a man asked him if he would like to stroke his cocker spaniel . . . . .
He said in hindsight he should've chosen the spaniel . . . 馃槼馃槼
Postman Pat retweeted
My son asked me - "where do babies come from Dad ?"
I replied - "ah . . Well . . Erm . . . The stork brings them son"
He said - " Who fucks the stork then Dad ?"
馃檲
Postman Pat retweeted
Saw Peter Fogg , I asked "how's your brother doing living in Saudi Arabia?"
He said - "they caught him stealing a chicken from the market so they cut his right hand off , then he stole some bread so they cut his left hand off , the only thing he can steal now is doughnuts "
"Good morning Pat , this Storm Dave is causing havoc isn't it ?"
"You're telling me Sam . . . . Its so windy that this morning I saw my cat do the same shit twice"
#StormDave
A few minutes before Sunday service , Reverend Timms whispered to me -
"Pat, look on the front pew , third Woman in from the left . Is that Fanny Green ?"
I said - "I don't think so Reverend . . I think it's just the way the sun is shining through the stained glass window"
Postman Pat retweeted
I said to the wife -
"I was chatting with Ted Glen in the pub last night, and he said that he has shagged every woman on our street except one"
She said -
"oh . . . I bet it's that stuck-up cow at number 12"
馃槼
Postman Pat retweeted
"You smell nice today Pat"
"Thankyou Mrs Goggins, its my new aftershave - it's called 'Breadcrumbs' . . . The birds love it"
馃檮
Postman Pat retweeted
I said to the wife - "happy valentines day" and i handed her a bunch of flowers.
She said - "HUH, I suppose I'll have to open my legs for them"
I said - "why, haven't we got a vase ?"
#ValentinesDay
Postman Pat retweeted
"Hi Ted , good Christmas ? "
"Yes Pat , the wife got me swimming pool membership to keep fit , I went today and after about an hour I needed a wee , so I had a sneaky pee in the deep end . . . The lifeguard blew his whistle so loud that i almost fell off the diving board
"Hello Pat , could tou return this parcel for me please ? . . . I ordered a Penis Enlarger from a company online for 拢100 and the cheeky bastards sent me out a copy of Readers Wives"
