Writer, Co-Founder LifeofDad, handsomest man in office award recipient (daughter was only other person there), and creative dynamo
San Juan Capistrano
Joined June 2009
- Tweets4.3K
- Following942
- Followers1.2K
- Likes3.4K
I love @hulu when it “accidentally” all the time plays the wrong episode so you have to watch commercials twice when you correct it. Brilliant.
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@BenStiller my 7 year old son watching Night At The Museum for the first time keeps commenting on how fast you are. Can you still sprint from Dinosaurs at that speed?
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@iamjohnoliver , knowing your love for @ATT , I thought you’d like the response I crafted for them.
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@SpiritAirlines , your staggering lack of communication about the now 3 hour delay of NK 2308 has been a masterpiece of apathy towards your passengers.
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@TaikaWaititi @JulianDennison @TwoPaddocks , the lunch notes my daughter gets. #huntforthewilderpeople
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@UPS love the system of losing my package and then ALSO not allowing me to submit a claim or contact anyone. Super helpful.
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The best part of running a marathon is eating anything I want on the days leading up and pretending it's somehow strategic.
"I'm carb loading"
"With brownies?"
"AND M&Ms...."
#NYCMarathon #NYCMarathon2021
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“Spotify, play random songs from my extensive ‘liked’ list.”
“Ok, I’ll add lots of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”
“No, unnecessary. Just anything else”
“But you liked that album in 2015”
“Please no”
“Welcome to my new Bow-tique…”
#everytime – at Texas, USA
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@kaleighf hi Keleigh. I’m the Influencer manager for Big Commerce. Would love to talk about content. Send me an email. – at Texas, USA
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Their honestly could not have been a more appropriate ending than this.
I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium.
@Lowes let’s see if your social media manager responds to me faster than a worker at the Leander store. – at Leander, TX
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@Lowes How many delays does your company usually post before customers just give up? I've been waiting over a month for a washer delivery (that I paid for) and have zero confidence in the latest updated delivery date. #LowesLeander
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@Lowes I'm doing a race to see who can respond first. Social media, an email, or the store I've been on hold with for the past 35 minutes.
Richmond: Richmond, Erect A GWAR Oderus Urungus Statue In Place of Robert E. Lee Statue - Sign the Petition! chng.it/Twrh6Knp via @Change
