Robert Caron

My friend Ayako has translated American movies and TV shows into Japanese subtitles for 22 years. Above her desk, taped to the wall, is a handwritten list. "American sentences that do not exist in Japanese." She let me copy it. 1. "I'm good." Means yes. Means no. Means I'm full, I'm fine, I'm leaving, and please stop asking. She has translated it 31 different ways. She thinks she was right about half the time. 2. "Bless your heart." She translated it as a blessing for six years. Then a woman from Alabama explained it to her, very sweetly. She had to go back and fix four movies. 3. "Hold my beer." Japanese has no phrase for the moment right before a man does something stupid for a cheering crowd. She subtitled it "Someone please call an ambulance." Nobody has ever complained. 4. "Love you, bye." American men say this to their fathers. On the phone. Fast. Like "see you later." In Japanese, "I love you" to your father is a deathbed sentence. The first time she subtitled it, the whole Japanese audience thought the father was dying. He was asking about the Cowboys game. 5. "Come here." An American sees someone crying, says two words, and opens his arms. In Japan, we ask "Are you okay?" and look very carefully at the floor. 6. "Proud of you, kid." Japanese has the words. Japanese fathers just don't use them. Ayako has typed this line more than 400 times. She had heard it in her own house zero times. Her father is 78. A retired machinist. The quietest man I know. He speaks maybe ten words of English. Last spring, he went to see a movie she had translated. Alone. He didn't tell anyone. That night, her phone rang. He said it in English. Exactly the way the American dad said it on the screen. "Proud of you, kid." Then he hung up. Immediately. Before she could say a word. Japanese fathers have not changed that much. She sat on her kitchen floor for an hour. He didn't say it in English because he forgot the Japanese. He said it in English because in English, it was allowed. America, you think you're just talking. Love you, bye. Come here. Proud of you. You've been handing the whole world words we didn't know we were allowed to say. Some of us are finally using them.