Raeyan Garvin

This is a true story. Years ago in a church where I was a leader, I was made aware of a game our youth leaders had played with the whole group during evening youth group. The game was to have several people race to see who could be the first to chug a gallon of milk Part of the "fun" of the game was the strong likelihood that one or more of the contestants would throw up for the entertainment of the whole group In a private moment I mentioned to the youth pastor that in a youth group their size and in that age group it was likely that 8-12 people would be struggling with bulimia. With that in mind, I thought he would want to know that this would likely be a triggering and stress inducing game for those 8-12 people to watch. His response as a young man to me, a Licensed Professional Counselor was dismissive and almost amused. He significantly minimized the idea that this could be a problem. My takeaway. When you believe your job is to grow and maintain engagement and keep people entertained, laughter and gathering crowds, the lens through which you look can convince you that you are hitting your target. When you believe your job is to understand the human soul and bring healing and wholeness, you look through a particular lens as well. My drawing attention to something this young man didn't understand felt to him like an accusation. Rather than respond with curiosity and intent to understand how better to create a safe environment he responded with defensiveness and dismissiveness. If the crowd is laughing you are likely to miss those who quietly walk out the door because they have been made to feel unsafe. When an expert gives feedback and you respond with defensiveness rather than an intent to understand, you may miss an opportunity to provide healing for wounds that you haven't previously recognized.