My greatest fear is a rat in the toilet and I sit down and it latches onto my vag with all those sharp teeth and claws but I can see how getting married late is kinda scary.

As I explore Catholicism and attend Mass it’s been helpful to find an entire thread of judgy people who will let me know what I’m doing wrong. 🤔😂

I always feel like…somebody’s watching meeee…

All the young girlies think true love is him taking you to a pumpkin patch & doing a soft-focus photo shoot. It’s not. True love is when he goes to the drugstore to buy you the real, red Sudafed & willingly adds himself to the government’s meth watch list so you can breathe.

Neighbors are absolutely screaming at each other and the sun isn’t even down yet. May be an interesting evening.

How many spoonfuls of honey is too much honey when dealing with a bad cough? I think I’m honey wasted.

BREAKING NEWS: Texas GOP candidate Brandon Herrera farted as he departed a crowded elevator, reportedly after double-dipping in a bowl of salsa.

I’ve gotten sick. Snotty. Coughing. Might be dying. But….I still have that promethazine cough syrup from last time. So, I won’t care about any of that, I’ll be able to smell colors, and now I’ll be @ElonJoin839’s problem (as usual).

Currently at work: they’re maybe hiring a local former pizza delivery driver who had(?) a raging drug & jail problem for a position in the one area that has access to all the chemicals in the building. Can’t wait to see how this turns out, also re-evaluating my exit paths.

I’ve heard that a time or two. 😒

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! is a truly terrible song and example #659,340 why most Canadian music should be stopped at the border with force if necessary.

When my youngest was 4, we’d go to Fatburger for a hot dog every Thursday after preschool and no one in the family knew.

My day so far, 3 hours in: 1. Wake up confused & groggy although I slept like the dead 2. Losing voice due to a bug 3. Do all makeup except mascara 4. Forget belt 5. Forget to take medicine 6. Forget to grab lunch 7. Hip hurts & I want to cry.

Thoughts after a rare visit to Wal-mart: 1. Why do the people always look like that? 2. Guys that buy a 4 pack of toilet paper - do they not like to plan ahead? Do they like paying more per roll? Do they enjoy shopping frequently for toilet paper?

Shout out to my computer for crashing during the zoom meeting and effectively moving my lunch up.

Guys, this Canadian tard is coming for our guns.

Some chick nearly hit me as I walked across a parking lot. She just threw it in reverse & went. I swerved & hit the rear panel of her Lexus hard enough my hand hurts. She stopped & stared at me wide eyed. I hope she peed a little. Maybe try using the back up camera, Muhkeighluh?

Messages with ominous aura:

A fiery, but mostly peaceful, student social movement. 🔥🕊️🧡