Security redesigned our guest Wi-Fi. Visitors must now authenticate using a company-managed account. I asked how someone who doesn't work here gets a company account. "Their host provisions a temporary identity." Fine. Tuesday we had six investors visiting. I created six temporary accounts. By 9:30 AM, all six had received: Mandatory cybersecurity training. An employee handbook. A calendar invitation to the quarterly all-hands. An email asking them to set their professional development goals. Apparently HR's onboarding system automatically picks up new company identities. I told HR. They said temporary accounts should be excluded. I asked them to exclude them. "That requires a change request." One investor completed the cybersecurity training because he thought it was required to access Wi-Fi. He scored 60%. HR emailed his sponsor recommending additional training. At 5 PM, the accounts expired. This triggered our automated employee offboarding workflow. All six investors received exit surveys. One was asked to return his company laptop. Another received an email asking why he had decided to leave the organization. Our CEO called me furious. "Why are investors being treated like employees?" I explained that Security requires guests to be employees before they're allowed to be guests. He's meeting with Security tomorrow. The investors have already been invited to their exit interviews.