Ricky Spanish

There is a horrifying vigilantism epidemic spreading across my campus. Liberal women are hooking up with conservative men for the sole purpose of defecating on them and leaving. Six of my male students reported this occurrence over the weekend. Will the university step in?

Folks, I have spent literally the entire day trying to get someone at AOL to unlock my email. For the last eight hours, I have been told that the issue has been escalated to supervisors who would contact me. I haven't heard a thing. You would think that, since I'm one of the last human beings on the face of the Earth still using AOL, they would take care of this. You'd be wrong. So, once this gets resolved, hopefully before the next presidential election, I'm dropping them. (I kept them this long out of convenience, but now I have no reason to keep them.) I'll see you on the radio at 6 p.m., at which time I will address this further.

𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚: Rex Ryan was arrested in Nashville after allegedly running over the feet of two pedestrians with his pickup truck last week. Police say Ryan continued driving before the pedestrians caught up to him at a red light. He faces six misdemeanor charges.