Ruud op den Kelder

This is my dad. He is the best person that I know. Not always being able to understand me, but always supporting me through it all: the failed schools, the travels, the doctors, the shrinks, the alternative therapies. Even when he didn't believe in any of it, he believed in me. Nobody knew how deep my addiction went. When it was time to tell people I was leaving for rehab, telling my dad was the hardest of all. We were driving in his car and he thought I had gone to another psychologist. He said: "I thought you didn't want to do that anymore." I took a deep breath, heart pounding in my throat: "Actually, I went to a rehab intake. For addiction." He went silent for a few seconds. Softly he asked: "What are you addicted to?" "Alcohol, mostly." Then he got really quiet. He focused on the road for a while taking it all in. Cleared his throat a few times. Finally, in a broken voice he asked me: "Is it my fault?" Bless his heart, I thought. "No dad, it's nobodies fault." He put a hand on my knee and right there and then I felt everything was gonna be alright. Now we are on a sober holiday together. Yesterday we had a restday from all the hiking. I cooked for him and we spent hours talking about our lives. Our old lives, and our new lives, with a newfound positivity and strength. Everything I ever did had a ripple effect on the people around me, even when I thought that it didn't. Now that ripple effect goes the other way. By saving my life, I am saving the people around me, and my dad deserves it most of all. I have difficulty saying it, but I love him a lot. He knows. I show it by being present, by being strong, by doing my best. Take care everyone.