Not a comedian. I'm just indifferent. Whatever. Bruce Campbell RT'd me 2/11/14
Midwest, USA
Joined October 2013
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Agent Average retweeted
My nipples have enlightened me that there has been a temperature change this morning.
Agent Average retweeted
Peacock: *spreads feathers at me*
Husband: It’s trying to attract you as a mate
Me: *shyly lifts top*
Husband: no
Agent Average retweeted
I wish I could take back all the times I was a bitch to you and redo them as the much bigger bitch I am today.
Agent Average retweeted
I can handle anything life throws at me except for impossible stains and close talkers.
Agent Average retweeted
I tried to type my name and predictive text suggested “Drunk.” Can you believe that shit? I mean I was, but still.
Agent Average retweeted
The avowed pussy grabber defends the accused sexual predator. I’m shocked, I tell you, shocked.
Agent Average retweeted
NASA: We are go for launch
My wife as an astronaut: Wait! I need to set the GPS
Agent Average retweeted
Me at 25: I’ve used this ID number for a year now, I’ll never forget it.
Me at 55: I’ve used this ID number for thirty years but if I didn’t use it for a week I’d forget it.
